Random thoughts

An untitled poem I wrote back in March 2009...

[Untitled]

the possibilities are endless
lives touch and cross through the ages
me, you, her and him
we each progress in our own time
false choices and pitfalls
path littered with mistakes
people we take for granted
the mistake is not taking a chance
in you, me, her and him
the possibilities are endless
but we all have one destiny
and i'd like to make you mine

One

"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. "

I've been analyzing and agonizing over life, love and relationships trying to find answers. They say no man is an island but there comes a point when there is just one. It comes down to you, to looking within yourself and finding who you are. I have changed a lot from when I was a child, far from where I was as a teen and evolved from my college days. Change is constant but isn't necessarily good. As we go digging deep inside our souls we sometimes find things that we do not want; we find things we have kept tucked away from the light of day.

I choose to define myself by the company I keep and in turn that company defines me. It is easy to lose yourself when you must live up to other's expectations; You are forced to fill your role as the funny guy or the foil.

"So many times I define my pride through somebody else's eyes (La da da, la da)
Then I looked inside and found my own stride, I found the lasting love for me
If I'm searching for my spirituality passionately I must begin with me

There's just me...One is the magic number 2X

If I add myself unto myself multiplied times you and yours and you again
There's just me"

I am not sure who I am or who I want to be. The deconstruction is still in full force and the blueprints aren't still in the first draft. Life would be simpler with answers, but I find myself with more and more questions. I wrote these two poems in the last couple months as I have been trying to find answers.

I still do not have any answers, but, I have poems.

New New

The first look into your eyes

First time our lips locked

the First you realized the thing you do that makes me smile.

First time you laughed just for me

First tear I wiped away

First time I realized I couldn't be without you

First we realized we were crazy about each-other

First time I noticed you drive me crazy

Then the first hate filled word

Followed by the first time I made you cry,

Out of sadness

Which led to the first shot of ambivalence

Now for the first time I know u weren't meant for me

The new is now the mundane

And if I knew if it would end this way

I'd do it all again

Prototype

You could be the one

Or the one who breaks me

I could be the bastard you tell your friends about

We may have passed eachother in a crowded street

Right now you could be on the downtown

I could be the one you were late to meet

You could be that fine one I failed to greet

I could be a huge pain in the ass

But I'd happily be yours

We've probably seen eachother 1 million times and not said hi

I was sad while you were glad

Distracted while you were focused

Thinking I should speak when you weren't in the mood

Have I missed my chance or are we destined

Broken

It's tough out there for everyone right now. I am sure everyone has heard the sad stories of people losing job or being stuck in crappy ones. Whether it is low pay, bad commute or just a crappy day, we have all been there.

Keysie was venting to me today and inspired this poem.

Body weary from long days commute

Aching from years of neglect

A dick, a bitch, a tool, a fool, My boss

Dead-ended due this economy

fucked up from the philosophy

See this is my cross to bear

while fat cats have no care

living large,bailed out on my dollar

take the path of college, be a scholar

now I am stuck in the middle

paying the way for those who diddle

back ache from each bump i travel

riding the pine with the rabble

Broken but not beaten

the battle is lost

the war is not over

Holiday Flowetry

The holidays tend to be tough for lots of people and it proved to be difficult for me as well. It is a time to be with family and friends and we all know that the people we care about most are the ones who screw with our heads the most. I don't have basketball during the winter to get my frustrations out so I turn to my poetry. There is a lot more stuff to come, but, this is what is ready right now.

Strange Times

We living in strange times

Black president in white house

While black residents cant buy one

still in hoods and red lined

Checkbooks balanced with red lines

Wars in the name of Freedom

Battles in the name of peace

Brave souls "stoplossed"

Hundred thousand of their lives lost

To revenge 3 thousand of our own

No longer reserved

Now your chance to serve

Your city Your country the world

Peace prize handed to a man at war

At war with the world his party

and common sense

Things aint be so common since

That fateful day that scarred us all

Bravado is no more the norm

Wound still fresh and sore

We will never heal in the strange times

Scars are peeled exposing the raw

Time to treat that wound

Bring the nightmare to an end

Choices...

Everyday we on the run

From the hustla on the corner

To the corner office

Playing the game of life

Got a choice to leave the hood

On the slab of the coroner

Or a Primetime baller

Chance is on the first

Unless you can "Just do it"

Noble

The right and the just

Cause and title of the righteous

The Kings and the Ghandis

Peace makers and freedom fighters

War presidents and escalating troops

Half lies and half truth

Secret wars and collateral damage

A democracy failing

Its people and its ideal

Old men cast young lives

The dedicated the valiant

The last option to topple tyrants

Still nothing Nobel in war

Waxing Poetic

Visited Baltimore this past weekend. I visited the Great Black in Wax Museum while I was there and was inspired to write this poem. I didn't know what to expect when I went to the Museum but figured it was some soft-shoe around history that focused on "accomplishments." All I knew before going there was that they had Obama in wax so I prepared myself for the worst. It's still very rough, but, it's probably best kept this way.

Ripped from lives, land and loved ones

Betrayed by own, handed to the man

Shackled minds and bodies

Tortured, raped and dismembered

Remembered languages, religions and customs

Left on distant shores

For the land of the FREE, LIBERTY, JUSTICE

Broken minds, spirits and backs

From sun up to sun down and again

Land of opportunity only cause others lack

Wealth of nations owed to every crack of 9 tails

Picket fences, backyards and 2.5 kids

Built on hundreds of years of hopes and tears

Jim Crowed and left back

Force fed and then crack

Hits the streets with Strawberries, 9s

Now cops on the beat

With firearms aimed and night sticks

Swinging free

Like the strange fruit hanging, limbs loose

Create our own middle passage

Packed in Ghettoes and slums

Gunned down by fellow brothers

For whips, ice and pride

Past lost in the hustle

Ripped from Lands, Lovers

Betrayed by fellow brothers

Land of the FREE, LIBERTY, JUSTICE

Built at the tip of 9 tails

Mugging (Dont Get Caught up)

Jeans pressed to impress
Tie on so I can be fly
Ensemble tight to make the right
impression
The hair is lined just sharp can be
Perhaps this time will be different

I get noticed as soon as I walk in
"Ooo someone is Fancy"
"I knew it was a special day"
They part so we are close
Small talk prevails
Drinks and Dance come next

Get close not sure what to expect
despite best efforts still nil
its chill but no love returned
now night over, feeling bummed
shunned and stunned and done

Beat down and robbed of my dignity
Pity but today was no different
and neither will the next
There is always hope
A recipe for getting caught up

Next

This may sound a little bit unbelievable, but I watched "Next" yesterday and it got me thinking. Does the 2 minute rule preserve the continuity of time? Does it break the rules? By the end I started to think about destiny and freedom of choice. It inspired the following...

the possibilities are endless
lives touch and cross through the ages
me, you, her and him
we each progress in our own time
false choices and pitfalls
path littered with mistakes
people we take for granted
the mistake is not taking a chance
in you, me, her and him
the possibilities are endless
but we all have one destiny
and i'd like to make you mine

My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me

Insane in the Membrane

I've had a weird week, for the first time in a while I haven't been able to sleep soundly through the night. The odd thing is that the only dreams I can recall are ones of whimsy. For instance, I woke with the feeling of absolute dread but could only recall a dream about "Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium. There is nothing scary, perhaps trippy, about Natalie Portman; actually i am quite fond of her.

Several people I know have been dealing with loss recently. I too have lost someone recently and as usual had a tough time dealing with it. I have never done well coping with losing someone I know. I close up completely and circle the wagons; I don't do/deal with death well. I tend to close up so much that I don't show any emotion. This time I was actually able to let some of the deep feelings I have for someone who has passed away to the surface. The following is a piece I wrote at that time.

Right here

They say you don't know what you've got till it's gone. So often we
miss the special things right before us. The people who touch our
lives with words that make a difference. Words that pick you up while
you are down. The ones that keep you moving when you no longer have
strength. Your boisterous hearty laugh will be missed but you are
forever in our hearts. You still makes us smile a.d we keep moving
because of you.

Overall I have been in my head trying to put how I think and feel on paper (computer).

Ideals and Ideas

You are the ideal, an idea I have held onto for as long as I can
remember. You are an idea an ideal that that can never be attained.
Idolized and exalted above all others. The real you can never reach
the heights the idea of you has gotten to but you hold that special
space that the ethereal ideal of you can never be. To be in love with
an idea of the ideal one is a fools game; I am a fool.

Yet another from the depths...

And you

I have known you for so long and you are still a mystery to me.
Crossed paths a thousand times in a million ways and you are more real
to me now that we are apart. We will cross paths again and you will
never consider me any more than a stranger. Stranger yet, I now
consider me and you.

Perfect

Existence requires evolution

improvement begs for revolution

All tried becoming a better you

But, you are perfect as you are

A more perfect union requires sacrifice

This begs first for a love of your life

The man in the mirror reflects on you

And you are perfect as you are

Humanity requires we seek perfection

Begging questions of contradiction

Nobody else except you, can perfect you,

till you accept you, are perfect as you are