One

"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. "

I've been analyzing and agonizing over life, love and relationships trying to find answers. They say no man is an island but there comes a point when there is just one. It comes down to you, to looking within yourself and finding who you are. I have changed a lot from when I was a child, far from where I was as a teen and evolved from my college days. Change is constant but isn't necessarily good. As we go digging deep inside our souls we sometimes find things that we do not want; we find things we have kept tucked away from the light of day.

I choose to define myself by the company I keep and in turn that company defines me. It is easy to lose yourself when you must live up to other's expectations; You are forced to fill your role as the funny guy or the foil.

"So many times I define my pride through somebody else's eyes (La da da, la da)
Then I looked inside and found my own stride, I found the lasting love for me
If I'm searching for my spirituality passionately I must begin with me

There's just me...One is the magic number 2X

If I add myself unto myself multiplied times you and yours and you again
There's just me"

I am not sure who I am or who I want to be. The deconstruction is still in full force and the blueprints aren't still in the first draft. Life would be simpler with answers, but I find myself with more and more questions. I wrote these two poems in the last couple months as I have been trying to find answers.

I still do not have any answers, but, I have poems.

New New

The first look into your eyes

First time our lips locked

the First you realized the thing you do that makes me smile.

First time you laughed just for me

First tear I wiped away

First time I realized I couldn't be without you

First we realized we were crazy about each-other

First time I noticed you drive me crazy

Then the first hate filled word

Followed by the first time I made you cry,

Out of sadness

Which led to the first shot of ambivalence

Now for the first time I know u weren't meant for me

The new is now the mundane

And if I knew if it would end this way

I'd do it all again

Prototype

You could be the one

Or the one who breaks me

I could be the bastard you tell your friends about

We may have passed eachother in a crowded street

Right now you could be on the downtown

I could be the one you were late to meet

You could be that fine one I failed to greet

I could be a huge pain in the ass

But I'd happily be yours

We've probably seen eachother 1 million times and not said hi

I was sad while you were glad

Distracted while you were focused

Thinking I should speak when you weren't in the mood

Have I missed my chance or are we destined