Random thoughts

An untitled poem I wrote back in March 2009...

[Untitled]

the possibilities are endless
lives touch and cross through the ages
me, you, her and him
we each progress in our own time
false choices and pitfalls
path littered with mistakes
people we take for granted
the mistake is not taking a chance
in you, me, her and him
the possibilities are endless
but we all have one destiny
and i'd like to make you mine

One

"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. "

I've been analyzing and agonizing over life, love and relationships trying to find answers. They say no man is an island but there comes a point when there is just one. It comes down to you, to looking within yourself and finding who you are. I have changed a lot from when I was a child, far from where I was as a teen and evolved from my college days. Change is constant but isn't necessarily good. As we go digging deep inside our souls we sometimes find things that we do not want; we find things we have kept tucked away from the light of day.

I choose to define myself by the company I keep and in turn that company defines me. It is easy to lose yourself when you must live up to other's expectations; You are forced to fill your role as the funny guy or the foil.

"So many times I define my pride through somebody else's eyes (La da da, la da)
Then I looked inside and found my own stride, I found the lasting love for me
If I'm searching for my spirituality passionately I must begin with me

There's just me...One is the magic number 2X

If I add myself unto myself multiplied times you and yours and you again
There's just me"

I am not sure who I am or who I want to be. The deconstruction is still in full force and the blueprints aren't still in the first draft. Life would be simpler with answers, but I find myself with more and more questions. I wrote these two poems in the last couple months as I have been trying to find answers.

I still do not have any answers, but, I have poems.

New New

The first look into your eyes

First time our lips locked

the First you realized the thing you do that makes me smile.

First time you laughed just for me

First tear I wiped away

First time I realized I couldn't be without you

First we realized we were crazy about each-other

First time I noticed you drive me crazy

Then the first hate filled word

Followed by the first time I made you cry,

Out of sadness

Which led to the first shot of ambivalence

Now for the first time I know u weren't meant for me

The new is now the mundane

And if I knew if it would end this way

I'd do it all again

Prototype

You could be the one

Or the one who breaks me

I could be the bastard you tell your friends about

We may have passed eachother in a crowded street

Right now you could be on the downtown

I could be the one you were late to meet

You could be that fine one I failed to greet

I could be a huge pain in the ass

But I'd happily be yours

We've probably seen eachother 1 million times and not said hi

I was sad while you were glad

Distracted while you were focused

Thinking I should speak when you weren't in the mood

Have I missed my chance or are we destined

They just be concealing it

I found myself locked into a conversation with a friend about politics recently (Yes it is a day of the week that ends in "y'"). This individual has conservative/anti-government leanings and I have liberal/anti-corporate leanings. We disagreed on most of the usual things concerning government intervention: climate change, health care, and financial regulation to name a few. These are all the expected areas that our world views tend to polarize us on but at some point we hit the issue of race. There is apparently a portion of financial regulation legislation that sets up an Office of Minority and Women Inclusion (OMWI), with the intention to make sure minorities and women are represented in Wall Street firms. This individual couched this in the light of race; he excluded or maybe didn’t know about the gender issue.

Racism is apparently dead, it was apparently shot on the balcony with Martin, and I didn’t get the memo. In fact we are now living in a world of reverse racism. I hear this echoed in right-wing chambers like radio and tea party activists, but, this is the first I have had the pleasure to get it from the horse’s mouth. His concern was first that the government should not meddle in private business and second that racism is mostly gone. I refused to be pulled into the libertarian argument about government intervention but could not help the fact that his second point was dead wrong.

Racism is not dead. I do not know if I can say it any more plainly than that. I thankfully haven’t been through any major issues with race as yet, just the everyday stuff. I am hyperaware of my race and stereotypes and work hard to make a “good” first impression. Even with that I still get the reactions, looks and qualifiers. I do need to note some qualifiers of my own. I do understand that there are a lot of poor whites out there who have a tough time in this economy, in any economy, who see this as the government keeping them down. Racial quotas bother these people and I can emphasize with them. The key here is that nobody actively worked to get them and keep them poor over another person. What they are experiencing is the normal, however unfair, reality of class warfare that we all have to battle.

The OMWI is needed, the fact is that white males have a head start and everyone else needs some help to level the playing field. I believe we stand on the shoulders of others, this is the American experience, we build upon the past. My grandparents (If they had been born in America) set the example and help my parents do better than they did my parents in turn help me do better than my grandparents did and I help my kids do better. It usually takes several generations to come from poor to middle class and stay there; of course there are the exceptions that go right there no matter the race or gender.

Who are you?

Everyone struggles with identity at one point or another. In New York and U.S as a whole we tend to be divided by hyphens. There are even commercials that celebrate these hyphens. The truth is we all focus on different elements of our identity: culture, religion, ancestry.

Who am I? I am an Afro-Carribean-Male-Lesbian-Liberal-Progressive-American. Without knowing me a weird image may pop into a person's head. First of all I do not have an Afro, although, I am currently working on one. I was certainly born on the ilse of st lucia, which counts a long way to being Carribean; I do not believe I have Carib ancestry so go figure. Male is fairly easy and obvious and I do love women so lesbian is fitting. Liberal means I probably look like Mao and progressive means I have a Karl Marx "Stache." I am naturalized in the good o' US of A.

On site I would likely just be labeled an Afro-American. X would be Indian-American, LBO would be American and, Koolredd would smack you and let you know he is African. (Insert Dead Prez Lyrics here) This topic always reminds me of an episode of SeaLab 2020 where there are two character with the same name. For clarification purposes one is deemed "Black-Debbie" in order to tell them apart. (Sealab 2021) This is of course meant to highlight the double standard.

There is another tv bit that is fairly funny but still rubs me the wrong way. Its a skittles commercial with a Korean man dressed in traditional scottish attire. He then exclaims to his son that they are a combination of opposites like skittles. While I understand the intended humor there is still an under-current of something being wrong with an ancestral Korean being born in Scotland.

The burning question is a matter of recognizing and celebrating the unique backgrounds we all have. We all have a tapestry; Nobody is all this or all that. We shoul celebrate Claw's Italian roots, Keysie's Czechoslovakian/Irishroots and so forth. In the end we are all Americans, we carry that with us wherever we go. Unless you stitch a Canadian flag to your backpack for safety.

The Turtle and the Rabbit

(From 2/13/2010)

I have a long-standing belief that 99% of the people in this world are idiots. While that may seem harsh at first blush, consider the sample of people you run into your entire life. I am not talking about people you know personally because they tend to clean up their act for you. You are likely the one person they are not an asshole to.

I developed and tested out this theory with several detailed case studies throughout my life. I started testing in high school, further advanced this in college and have applied the theory in my work life. The real mystery is why people are this way.

People are self-centered, selfish is probably more apt. We don't often take time to consider what the other person wants, especially if they are unfamiliar. I was reminded of this recently on my way home. I was in the cross-walk on my way to the bus stop when a bus rounds the corner out of nowhere, honks, and almost clips me.

The next bus was just about two minutes behind; as I approached to pay my fare the bus driver stopped me to ask what happened with the previous bus. I told him what happened and then we started exchanging stories. When it came to my stop we remarked that the same bus which grazed me was now at the same stop. His chest puffed and his smile wide, my bus driver was proud that his pace and careful driving paid off "This reminds me of the story about the turtle and the rabbit."

I walked out the bus and was annoyed to see the light wasn't in my favor. I could see that a bus was only a block away. I rushed across the street cutting in front of the first bus. I dashed to the bus stop with time to spare. I relaxed into my seat; I was elated because if I hadn't made this bus I'd be out in the cold for who knows how long. As I looked out the window at the cars passing by another bus overtook us.

The thing about my theory is that sometimes you're that asshole.

New Day

An actual sunrise is upon us today

our yesterdays were grey

now a new light shines.

I can still see the rain clouds

Just past the horizon

I know there are more grey days ahead

2 Souls

I have been trying to describe a feeling,no, a state of mind. It is the reason that two people with distinct backgrounds and complete opposite personalities can be the best of friends. It is the reason X and I connected from jumpstreet and have been inseparable ever since. I can't describe in perfect words why we are good friends any more than I could explain why clowns give me the chills. You either get it or you don't.

I don't mean to denigrate other relationships. As a matter of fact it took a while LBO and I to become friends. We balled quite a bit but we weren't pinkie swearing from day one. Now we are as thick as thieves, nothing comes between us except: women, poor passing choices in 2K10 and various stupid decisions he makes like chewing with his mouth open.

These examples bring us to the crux of the argument. I have never experienced the former in the context of a romantic relationship. I've either been attracted to a person or thought they had an interesting personality. Love grew from there. I have never felt an instant connection till now.

"Amor en primera vista"

I still refuse to call it that. Its like trying to define a black hole or the square of -1. How does one define the undefinable? How does one hold the wind? Yet here I am thinking and feeling for a person I barely know for all intents and purposes. This is impossible.

This is rare.

To a Person

*

"Of Mice and Men" was one of the assigned readings I put off multiple times in high school. I only retain a single quote from that assignment: "the best laid plans of mice and men off go awry." Unfortunately for me I was born a planner. I've had a long-term plan for my life since I was 9. I loved to watch sci-fi with my pops; I knew I wanted to be a scientist.

By the time I was 20 I formulated plans to start a program to expose youth to computers and engineering. At 21 I made plans for retirement, once I got tired of the engineering thing: open my own restaurant and be the architect of a school for technology.

I am not a scientist, I am an engineer. Frankly I don't think my 9 year old brain knew the difference. Geordi and Scotty were alright but they were nothing compared to mad scientist building robots. I took a long winding route to become an engineer. I made several long stays in the Halls of IT before being freed to higher level problem-solving.

One thing I have never considered planning is my relationships. I tend to ride whatever the current wave is and have violent swings between wanting to date to being just sick of the entire game. Despite the vivid imagery of my dreams for the future I have never imagined "my better half, and the role she would play.

I have run head-on into this several times in past relationships; that was usually the doomsday device. Is this what a fear of commitment manifests itself as? If I am being completely honest I have been truly in love 2 times in my life. I was also in these relationships more than long enough to consider marriage. At least one didn't happen due to complications to the overall plan.

My entire world view was thrown into question recently: Is it worth sabotaging my entire plan to take a chance on love? The thing about not knowing is, well, you don't know. If I don't invest the time to discover all facets of this relationship I could be missing on a person I should spend my life with. It is the ultimate question: what will you sacrifice for love?

I guess its time to rethink the plan.

*The original content of this blog was incorrect the actual quote is from "To A Mouse"; Steinbeck's novel was inspired by this poem though. Check it out: http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/toamouse.html

Roatan

Your shores are but a distant dream
Each memory like a grain of sand
I cannot wash clean of your beaches

every light reminds me of your sun
I flip the switch searching out the horizon
I no longer sway with each gust
The wind cannnot penetrate these walls

Being back in BK has been a bit of a shock to my system. I've never considered myself one to laze about much, but yet I find myself yearning for a hammock. The hand crafted threads cradling me as I sway gently in the warm breeze. The sounds of bob marley cooling my spirits as I drift away in a sea of content. The only hustle is from the scurrying of the crabs as they make their way back to land while the moon reminds us of what has passed and what is to come.

My mind is not a blank slate, no, it is free to frollick in its own maze. Kicking up long forgetten memories of days past and adventures that have yet to come to fruition. There is so much to discover and yet I could be content wasting my days right here.

A foreign smells enters my nose like the most pungent of smelling salts. Bob Marley is silenced, the beat replaced by a constant rumble. My toes no longer feel the air whistling through them. My eyelids feel the light of the sun beating against them, pulsing as the clouds and sun play peek-a-boo.

I open my eyes to my distorted image reflected off chrome. My head is perched on the shoulder of the person next to me; Next stop Canal street.

Honduras: Day 2

Exodus

The 2nd day kinda folds back to the 1st as I woke at shady Hotel Ceiba
Feeling quite cold; a sensation I had hoped I left under a foot of
snow in Brooklyn. Dunkin donuts was the first stop on the gringo
agenda. This was the low point of the day. It was like animals in the
zoo as locals passed by looking at us through the glass.

Before leaving the mainland it was time to head to a nearby
supermarket for some essentials. The most amazing part was the fresh
produce at super low prices. Honduran currency is about 18 or 20 to 1
US dollar, a 30 lempira pineapple is a godsend. Grocery shopping was done
with just enough time to hurriedly check-out and hop into a cab.

The cab took a circuitous route to the Ferry that was supposed to only
be 3 blocks or so away from the Hotel. The proximity of the docks to
the hotel was highly exaggerated. There was plenty of time to
purchase tickets and go through security. Two curious events occurred
with security. I was the only one during my time there who was
frisked. The booze was confiscated to deter any breakouts of boat
parties.

The ferry ride to roatan may soon be cooped by a theme park to replace
the death drop or superman: the ride. As the boat pulled from dock a
crew member handed out barf bags. I thought this was just a souvenir
of sorts till the boat really got moving, the reckless speed and
undulating waves made for one heck of a ride.

The downside to the ride was the marauding Texas grandmas who sat a
row away. The beef jerky-like tanned, tramp stamped, shit-talking duo
almost accomplished what the exhausting ride could not. Their
conversation ranged from make-up advice to the last biopsy. I was
really over with them when they went zoo exhibit on a tiny kid.
Perhaps it would be their reaction to any kid, which still doesn't
make it right.

Near the port of Roatan were two shipwrecks. I haven’t investigated
into the oddities as yes. The working theory is that they are there to
promote the growth of coral.

The ride to the house was windy and fairly treacherous at the un-policed
80k speeds around blind turns. This was only topped by the near
vertical drop down the dirt road to the garage which was still .5
miles from the house down an un-driveable boardwalk and dirt road.

Lunch was at a resort with multi-race babies at the preferred topic of
conversation. After lunch I kayaked and used the flinstone paddle-boat
machine for about 3 hours. The sun dropped closer to the horizon and
flashed green before it disappeared for good.

--
http://humandynamo.blogspot.com/

Broken

It's tough out there for everyone right now. I am sure everyone has heard the sad stories of people losing job or being stuck in crappy ones. Whether it is low pay, bad commute or just a crappy day, we have all been there.

Keysie was venting to me today and inspired this poem.

Body weary from long days commute

Aching from years of neglect

A dick, a bitch, a tool, a fool, My boss

Dead-ended due this economy

fucked up from the philosophy

See this is my cross to bear

while fat cats have no care

living large,bailed out on my dollar

take the path of college, be a scholar

now I am stuck in the middle

paying the way for those who diddle

back ache from each bump i travel

riding the pine with the rabble

Broken but not beaten

the battle is lost

the war is not over

Holiday Flowetry

The holidays tend to be tough for lots of people and it proved to be difficult for me as well. It is a time to be with family and friends and we all know that the people we care about most are the ones who screw with our heads the most. I don't have basketball during the winter to get my frustrations out so I turn to my poetry. There is a lot more stuff to come, but, this is what is ready right now.

Strange Times

We living in strange times

Black president in white house

While black residents cant buy one

still in hoods and red lined

Checkbooks balanced with red lines

Wars in the name of Freedom

Battles in the name of peace

Brave souls "stoplossed"

Hundred thousand of their lives lost

To revenge 3 thousand of our own

No longer reserved

Now your chance to serve

Your city Your country the world

Peace prize handed to a man at war

At war with the world his party

and common sense

Things aint be so common since

That fateful day that scarred us all

Bravado is no more the norm

Wound still fresh and sore

We will never heal in the strange times

Scars are peeled exposing the raw

Time to treat that wound

Bring the nightmare to an end

Choices...

Everyday we on the run

From the hustla on the corner

To the corner office

Playing the game of life

Got a choice to leave the hood

On the slab of the coroner

Or a Primetime baller

Chance is on the first

Unless you can "Just do it"

First outing alone

I don't usually roll anywhere unless I am with someone. I in fact did this somewhat reluctantly. It just feels weird to be completely solo; I’ve heard that people like to go where everybody knows your name. The one exception to all of this is when I take long walks through the city. Here I am at the tea lounge with a cup of chai - in a seat for one - waiting for the show to begin.

This lounge wasn't my first option. I scoured the pages of L Magazine and NY Mag for different spots to go to. I was seriously disappointed when I realized that it was too late to check out the "Wu BQ" in Williamsburg, I mean really, an event with a DJ spinning Wu bangers and server grilled meats. A great sense of despair fell over me till I saw "Beatbox Guitar" was scheduled at the Tea Lounge.

A two man band with a beatbox artist and a guitar player, sounds like a decent idea. What if this bad also guest starred a belly dancer; A 5'7 beauty that moved to the beatbox as if it were her heartbeat. I believe this is the closest approximation to heaven that I will ever see.

I was pleasantly surprised when her "twin" came on stage for a solo performance. I actually wasn't sure this was a different person, as she went by the same name, till I saw the hummingbird tattoo that adorned her back and right side. To close out the set the set of "twins" came out to do a performance in stereo. Yeah.

The guys with the instruments were also talented. I hear that they will be at BAM this Saturday. I hope they bring the twins.

I went to the pisser during intermission and drew the one with the broken lock. Pissing with the door open, my dreams have come true. I hear the door open and shut midstream. When I walk out I am pleasantly surprised that it was a chick I'd noticed earlier.

As I passed my I let her know about the lock. She went in to verify my information then walked out and stood outside looking perplexed. Noticing a damsel in distress I doubled back and offered my security services. She accepted my offer to guard the door for her, unfortunately, I was not able to turn this masterpiece of chivalry into bedding her. I am still disappointed to this day. She had 2 friends who were just as good looking, my loss.

After the music and dancing I didn't want to head home so I chased the chai with a glass of Proseco. I didn't find any answers at the bottom of the glass and there wasn't another act coming so I headed home.

Noble

The right and the just

Cause and title of the righteous

The Kings and the Ghandis

Peace makers and freedom fighters

War presidents and escalating troops

Half lies and half truth

Secret wars and collateral damage

A democracy failing

Its people and its ideal

Old men cast young lives

The dedicated the valiant

The last option to topple tyrants

Still nothing Nobel in war

The Gap

There has recently been a lot of lamenting about the economy and for good reason. The list of obvious ills is well known, but what the heck:

1. Unemployment is up
2. Savings rates are in the negatives
3. Foreclosures at record rates
4. US deficits are sky-high

These are only symptoms of larger problems in our society and government; problems that we can all see and sense and agree on. I have to borrow an idea from my favorite MSNBC host Rachel Maddow. She has previously noted that there are certain issues that are so inflammatory that both ends of the political spectrum take sharp turns and run into each other.

I mention this because the tea parties have a lot of things right. Where we depart company is the focal point of their righteous anger is the government where I would say it’s the corporations. Our government has been corrupted by capitalism.

Our economy at this point and for the years I've been around has been designed so we serve it. We have been sold a bill of goods that equates company and Wall Street profits to economic success. This is the continuation of trickle-down theory which refuses to die even after being proven wrong. Trickle-down is the cousin of disaster capitalism for which the cannibalism phase is a natural outgrowth.

This has become all too real to me recently over the last 6 months as people close to me have lost their jobs. This has ranged from recent college grads to my mom who has been working forever. These people have or will be without health insurance as long as they are without jobs. It is getting easier and easier to fall through the gaps in our society as the social safety nets have been completely shredded. I believe it is time for us to reassess our social contracts and constructs, to refocus our energies on supporting and advancing individuals over corporations. To continue to have these gaps is irresponsible, embarrassing and just plain stupid. It’s time to fill in the gaps.

Waxing Poetic

Visited Baltimore this past weekend. I visited the Great Black in Wax Museum while I was there and was inspired to write this poem. I didn't know what to expect when I went to the Museum but figured it was some soft-shoe around history that focused on "accomplishments." All I knew before going there was that they had Obama in wax so I prepared myself for the worst. It's still very rough, but, it's probably best kept this way.

Ripped from lives, land and loved ones

Betrayed by own, handed to the man

Shackled minds and bodies

Tortured, raped and dismembered

Remembered languages, religions and customs

Left on distant shores

For the land of the FREE, LIBERTY, JUSTICE

Broken minds, spirits and backs

From sun up to sun down and again

Land of opportunity only cause others lack

Wealth of nations owed to every crack of 9 tails

Picket fences, backyards and 2.5 kids

Built on hundreds of years of hopes and tears

Jim Crowed and left back

Force fed and then crack

Hits the streets with Strawberries, 9s

Now cops on the beat

With firearms aimed and night sticks

Swinging free

Like the strange fruit hanging, limbs loose

Create our own middle passage

Packed in Ghettoes and slums

Gunned down by fellow brothers

For whips, ice and pride

Past lost in the hustle

Ripped from Lands, Lovers

Betrayed by fellow brothers

Land of the FREE, LIBERTY, JUSTICE

Built at the tip of 9 tails

The Health Care Debate Part 1

America needs Universal, Single-payer, and “Socialized" health system. That was likely the most anticlimactic statement; I'm a big lefty and everyone knows that. Before I go on I must note that no plan being currently considered meets these criteria. There are many reasons to switch to the system I want; at the same time I realize some have concerns.
I will not every pay any attention to the unrealistic/outrageous questions that some ask.

The Other side:
1. How much is this expansion going to cost us?
The short answer is less. The long answer is that we don't know. The fact is that we already have the highest healthcare costs and the poorest outcomes in the "developed" world. Countries with Universal systems use their bargaining power to rein in costs. For instance the very same drugs cost less in Canada; savings range from 20 -45%.

2. What about long waits? I've heard they ration in Canada and those other socialist Lands.
Health insurance already rations. We judge people's worth to society based on their pocketbook. Fat cats get the best treatment. Health insurance workers decide whether people should have based on their bottom line, they even have metrics that are judged by Wall Street money in/payments for procedures.

3. Those damned illegals will use it!
"Illegals" already use the emergency rooms and that comes directly from you and I. The point is to formally account for these costs. Its best to treat people before a minor thing escalates into something more dangerous. Treating all with respect and the best care is the compassionate thing to do.

4. The government can't run anything!
We come together as a society because the whole is greater than the sum of our parts. The government is not a mythical giant living on Capitol Hill, we are the government. Our family members serve in the armed services, post offices and fire houses. All of these are government agencies that play vital roles in our everyday lives and do so admirably.

5. I'm happy with my Doctor can I still see her/him?
Hopefully. Many doctors over the years have shifted between and off the various Health Insurance plan. This is a free country, just as you want a choice of plans; Doctors want the freedom to move between networks.

Health care is a right, without it, life is not possible, liberty and happiness cannot be pursued. Right now we are carelessly discussing and calculating the worth of those without health insurance. People are standing up and shouting that fellow Americans are not good enough. I believe our obligation to protect Americans should go beyond military might; the health of everyone on our soil is just as significant.

Mugging (Dont Get Caught up)

Jeans pressed to impress
Tie on so I can be fly
Ensemble tight to make the right
impression
The hair is lined just sharp can be
Perhaps this time will be different

I get noticed as soon as I walk in
"Ooo someone is Fancy"
"I knew it was a special day"
They part so we are close
Small talk prevails
Drinks and Dance come next

Get close not sure what to expect
despite best efforts still nil
its chill but no love returned
now night over, feeling bummed
shunned and stunned and done

Beat down and robbed of my dignity
Pity but today was no different
and neither will the next
There is always hope
A recipe for getting caught up

Pirate!

I clearly do not have enough going on in my life, between packing for my move, hunting for a used car, working 10+ hour days, and becoming Senior Software energy through attrition. Newly inspired by USA network's replay of the pirate movies I set forth on a mission of great importance: find new pirate references on the Internet. Early on in my search I found a pirate name generator. The site requires that you answer a few questions, to gauge you pirate personality. It churns these through some complex algorithms, and then supplies you with a name.

I am proud to introduce you to : Black Marty Rackham. This got my wheels a turning, in fact I became very disappointed in myself. Somehow I had overlooked the fact that I was never graced with a pirate name, I had also failed to give one to my peoples.

Time to rectify...

LBO : Lord IronLeg la Bouff
Y-O : Captain Redbeard the Feared
AK : Alvilda Gunpowder the Konquerer
X : Barbarossa der Tantzer
DJ : Sir Diabolito Skillz
RK: Mad Abednego the Fierce
Jron: Sir Ronald of Morgan

Arrr! tis a fearsome crew.

The Scale

There is a much disputed scale that I have started using due to influence from my Aussie boss. This scale attempts to put into perspective how hot some celebrities are. I am of course referring to the finger scale.

The application of this scale is just as simple as its founding principles. Step one :choose a superfine woman to idolize. Step two: decide how many fingers you'd give up to get with her. Let's take a real world example. I'm a big Jessica Alba fan from the Dark Angel days and I would happily give 8 for her back then, unfortunately she has become skin and bones recently, she now rates a three.

Shakira! Shakira!

I'm chilling in the barbershop today watching some Latin channel, busy figuring out if I could get inspiration from a Spanish pop star. Some Spanish some came on with Akon singing in English. I waited to see if Akon would bench press anyone, or spit, or kick them in the head. Nothing of the sort happened.

Right after the Akon song, as far as I remember at least, a Shakira song came on. I frankly don't recall the name of the song but it did remind me of how big a fan I am. Shakira was of course doing the pseudo belly dance. This is the long way of saying that I'd give both hands up to my elbows for 2 minutes. She's what The Streets meant by "you're fit but you know it."