Check Yourself

I finished a checkbook today. It was an extremely cathartic experience; signing my name on the page and then tearing the last check cleanly along the perforated edges. As I sat there reflecting on my great check writing achievement I noticed that this book still bore the address from my college apartment. Almost 7 years of check writing ends in a blink of an eye. Now I have to consider all that is ahead of me.

What kind of checks do I order? Glow in the dark so I can write them in the middle of the night. Perhaps I can choose ones sporting the image of master chief to show that I am all about Halo 3. Another option is the New York Knicks minus the sexual harassment. The possibilities are endless. I really need to choose carefully because I will be staring at these babies once a month for the next seven years.

Just call me the check writer.

Or Die Laughing...

Due to incredible lameness on my part I was unable to watch the Boondocks when the season premiere aired on Sunday night. If it wasn't for my digital recorder, which remembered to record this show for me, I would have been a sad individual all week. Troubled my forgetfulness and in great need to relieve myself, I got out of bed at 4:30am and proceeded to sync my Zen with my PC.

I'd been waiting for the second season of the animated adaptation of Aaron McGruder's syndicated cartoon column for over a year now and was overjoyed to be finally viewing this. It didn’t disappoint. Five seconds into the show I started cracking up; I must have looked like a crackpot to everybody else on the train.

It’s funny, socially relevant (some may say irreverent), and beautifully drawn.

I hate it when I figure out a smart, interesting pithy response too late. It’s all you think about for a couple hours afterwards. It haunts you in your dreams if you don’t finally let that someone in on the joke. In that spirit I present: “I said this but, I really should have said…” (I am still working on the title)

Manager: I am off to purchase goods and services at a nearby establishment. You are a hardworking gentleman and I am a kind soul. Would you like to quench your parched throat with some precious liquid?

I Said this: I would like a spot of fine tea on ice.

I really should have said this: Scotch

It seemed a lot funnier in my head…

Over The Hill

I was introduced recently to a gentleman name Gucci Mane. I first heard his lyrical genius on 106 and Park last Thursday. Due to his single "Freaky Girl" I now respect Fifty Cent's lyrical fitness. The first clue that a song is going to be particularly crappy is if it starts with the hook. The second clue is if the hook is extremely crappy. So without further adieu:

She A Very Freaky Girl Dont Bring Her To Mamma
First You Get Her Name Then You Get Her Number
Then You Get Some Brain In The Front Seat Of
The Hummer Then You Get Some Brain In The Front
Seat Of The Hummer
[x2]

Terrible... His many talents include a completely garbage flow and a fundamental lack of understanding of how to rhyme. "Mamma" and "Number" don't actually rhyme but they can kinda sound alike of you mispronounce either, or both, really badly. While "Hummer" and "Hummer" do rhyme he only got that one right because he does not bother to come up with another line for his hook.

I could almost forgive the aforementioned sins; after all it's only a hook. His transgressions, however, do not stop here. His very first line was uttered by Rick James and with more flare and style by this pioneer of funk.

I believe the second line of his hook can be best dismissed with a famous biggie line. "Who they attractin with that line, 'What's your name what's your sign' ." By the way, that last quote from Biggie is better than any line Gucci Mane could dream of coming up with.

I will leave you with this gem:

Dont Be Conceded Girl I Know You Here Girl I
Know Ya Secret Girl But Im Gon Keep It Girl
Oh You's A College Girl Be A Gucci Girl Oh
You A Gucci Fan Let's Go To Gucci Land You
Diggin Gucci Man Cause Only Gucci Can Drop
A Stack Pop You Back Wit A Rubberband You
Diggin Gucci Gucci Let's Do The Cuchi Cuchi
Oh That's You Girlfriend Why Dont You Introduce Me