To a Person

*

"Of Mice and Men" was one of the assigned readings I put off multiple times in high school. I only retain a single quote from that assignment: "the best laid plans of mice and men off go awry." Unfortunately for me I was born a planner. I've had a long-term plan for my life since I was 9. I loved to watch sci-fi with my pops; I knew I wanted to be a scientist.

By the time I was 20 I formulated plans to start a program to expose youth to computers and engineering. At 21 I made plans for retirement, once I got tired of the engineering thing: open my own restaurant and be the architect of a school for technology.

I am not a scientist, I am an engineer. Frankly I don't think my 9 year old brain knew the difference. Geordi and Scotty were alright but they were nothing compared to mad scientist building robots. I took a long winding route to become an engineer. I made several long stays in the Halls of IT before being freed to higher level problem-solving.

One thing I have never considered planning is my relationships. I tend to ride whatever the current wave is and have violent swings between wanting to date to being just sick of the entire game. Despite the vivid imagery of my dreams for the future I have never imagined "my better half, and the role she would play.

I have run head-on into this several times in past relationships; that was usually the doomsday device. Is this what a fear of commitment manifests itself as? If I am being completely honest I have been truly in love 2 times in my life. I was also in these relationships more than long enough to consider marriage. At least one didn't happen due to complications to the overall plan.

My entire world view was thrown into question recently: Is it worth sabotaging my entire plan to take a chance on love? The thing about not knowing is, well, you don't know. If I don't invest the time to discover all facets of this relationship I could be missing on a person I should spend my life with. It is the ultimate question: what will you sacrifice for love?

I guess its time to rethink the plan.

*The original content of this blog was incorrect the actual quote is from "To A Mouse"; Steinbeck's novel was inspired by this poem though. Check it out: http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/toamouse.html