"Some Call it Vicodin"

"I call it my friend"

I claimed yesterday that I was pain free, this is no longer true. Somewhere around Tuesday night and Wednesday morning I started feeling what I thought was a cramp. I am now sure after waking this morning that it was most certainly real pain. I tried as I could to fight the urge to take any medication early in the morning but I finally broke down-I began fumbling through pain killers. This fumbling went on for several hours. Fumbling with a cane and bottles of pills is as difficult as it sounds. I finally decided to curl up with a box of Wegmans "clusters" cereal and soy milk, don't ask, along with OJ and Vicodin. Yup, I passed up on the extra strength Tylenol or Percocet and went for the Vicodin; bad idea.

See, I failed to grasp the finer point of having the drugs after finishing off my meal. Before I knew it I felt nauseous, my vision became blurry and my body became quite weak. I think I got hot flashes as well. It was not pretty. It all broke within ten minutes but i didn't feel right for the rest of the day. I love to eat but as a result of this experience I'm still having trouble to keep down any food.

It's really amazing what can be done with a cane.

Cane Accomplishments

• take pictures
• put on shorts

A Cane only goes so far

3.5 feet to be exact

I had my surgery yesterday and everything went alright. My mom and X stayed at the hospital while they operated on me. I was told that I was only going to be put under local anesthesia but the concoction I got was as general as could be. Before I knew it I was stripped down to less than my skivvies but adorned in the latest hospital fashion. It was a colorful outfit with and open back that is all the rage these days. Anyway, I don't recall anything from my operation at all. One minute I was on the table and the next minute I was being helped into a wheelchair. A little groggy, definitely hungry soon I was snacking on my fair share of graham crackers, cranberry juice and ginger ale.


I caned along to the car with my old-man cane but it was not until I got into the car that I first figured out the true power. I slid myself into the back seat of the car and then I was in a bit of a pickle. With my leg stretched out across the back seat of my car I couldn't reach the door on the far side of the vehicle. This is where the 3.5 feet of reach came in handy, I didn't have to move-the cane would do the work for me.








Now I am a professional with the cane. I can operate my air conditioner, lights and various other devices by "remote." I've also discovered several enhancements in windows so I can use the computer more effectively. As a matter of fact I've almost fully mastered typing while laying comfortably on my back. I find that the accessibility options such as the magnifying glass and the on-screen keyboard are quite helpful in addition to wireless keyboard and mouse.

I'd be all set if I had a grabbing stick.

O-Oh Word? Oh Really?

So I am off to have knee surgery tomorrow. Many posts ago I wrote about my osteoarthritis so I won't bore you further with the technical aspects. I'll be home for two weeks on sick leave. I will enjoy things such ask sleeping in and waking up late. I may throw a curve ball like not leaving my bed all day just to mix it up.

Oh Word?

In an attempt to steal my thunder X has decided to have his engagement party this weekend. He just had to make his big celebration the same as my big operation. It's going to be some crazy ceremony with paint and incense flying everywhere. There also gonna be lots of food, most of it containing various forms of curry (Just kidding). I heard the bride and groom to be also exchange sweets which I hope will then be crammed into my mouth.

Oh Really?

I spoke to Jwow today for like 1/2 hour. Seems like she is enjoying the time in South Africa though she's a little disappointed by the limited time she has there. It seems that there is so much to do but it's also quite difficult and a little dangerous to get around; especially as a foreigner.

That's all I got for now. I need to stuff my face now cause I am not allow to eat after 12 am and my operation won't be done till about 2pm. I am gonna be one hungry hungry person at that point.

Deep Thoughts/Time

Perhaps you recall the last entry concerning the Anatomy of a Blog. One of the elements was the computers program which picks the best. Well I have been able to circumvent the system and pull out the rejects as well as some pieces midway through "Monkey Processing". It's kinda like a computer or a word processor except entirely powered by monkeys, it's my own personal invention. Some might say that this is merely an attempt to thread crap, I take offense to those of you who think like that. Those types of thoughts are quaint and that happens to be the beginnings of one of my entries.

quaint

One entry found for quaint.

Main Entry: quaint

Pronunciation: 'kwAnt

Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle English queinte, cointe, from Anglo-French, clever, expert, from Latin cognitus, past participle of cognoscere to know -- more at COGNITION

1 obsolete : EXPERT, SKILLED

2 a : marked by skillful design India ink -- Herman Melville> b : marked by beauty or elegance

3 a : unusual or different in character or appearance : ODD b : pleasingly or strikingly old-fashioned or unfamiliar

synonym see STRANGE

- quaint·ly adverb

- quaint·ness noun

This was initially rejected because it didn't lead to any positive statements concerning pirates, music or Brooklyn. I could have just stuck random references in there but that would lead to incoherent ramblings and there is no way I want to be known for that.

The following almost made it through till the forces of football, not the American kind, killed my writing flow.

Paper or Plastic?

My world view has literally been crushed after finding out that when posed with this question on the line at the market my natural choice would be the wrong one. So I started to think of other false choices I am faced with in life.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? See the problem at hand is that this question does not take evolution into consideration. So this is how it works. um worked.

Heat the oil in a large heavy-bottomed soup pot and sauté the breasts until they are light brown, about 5 minutes. Remove the breasts and set aside. Add half of the onions and sauté until translucent, approximately 4 to 5 minutes. Remove and set aside. hmmm Um alright so that isn't quite the explanation of the primordial soup but it is the beginnings of what looks like an excellent chicken soup recipe. Check it out at http://www.reluctantgourmet.com/chicksoup.htm

I don't think I really fully explained the paper or plastic thing. The first thing you think of when posed with this questions is how environmentally safe paper is. Paper bags can be made from recycled materials. The second obvious plus for paper is it's potential to go back from whence it came. The sciencey enviro-folks like to call this biodegrading. Both things are completely true in a vacuum (I don't mean this literally) but are not quite so in the real world

North or South Korea

North Korea has Kim Jong Il and he has many Taep'o-dong. What could be better than a dude who kidnaps people from other countries to direct a film for him? Perhaps one who fancys himself as a rockstar, just check out his doo. Probably his most endearing quality is his willingness to starve his people for his greater good?

South Korea has Seoul. duh

Hockey or Soccer?

I managed to live through the world cup. It's not that I hate soccer, that's reserved for nascar.

This one was a reader submission that just didn't strike the correct note with the statisticians.

Apparently Hush Puppies were fed to dogs to keep them quiet as their human masters cooked.

Hush puppy I'm trying to cook!

That's about all the oldies but goodies I have for now. I hope nobody actually read this thoug. That would be paramount to watching one of those crappy recap episodes that shows through at you once a season.

I am sorry if I wasted anyone's time any more than usual. You should be enjoying SoaP instead.

Anatomy of a Blog Entry

I've started writing many pieces for this blog without actually posting. Some of you may think that blogging is a simple task but I would like to dispel that myth right here and now.

Bloganatomy 101

Life.
This requires more than just breathing in and out. Occasionally I find things like waking up and moving to the other side of my bed exhilarating. Some others
a) go to work
b) take walks in the park
c) attend functions such as parties, concerts and museums


Ideas.
No one knows exactly where "ideas" come from but I find that these are often fueled by the aforementioned "Life." The greatest scientific minds have been hard at work trying to solve this riddle but still have no idea. This is just the first part though. I pull ideas from everything around me, the sun, the wind, the leaves; I get in touch with the earth. Generally I find that the earth has some brilliant ideas.

I travel all across the world meeting different people just to know what is hot around the globe. I ask questions like: "What puzzles you about the world?” or "What are you excited about today?” Occasionally I pull out: "What kind of cheese do you think the Moon is made of?" Most of the time people just go on rants about Brooklyn; probably because it's totally awesome.

+

Statisticians and Monkeys
I prefer to call them number buffs. I get the number buffs to crunch all the data I collect and then present me with the top five topics. Then I begin writing about each topic. At this point my prose is filled with colorful anecdotes and alliteration which would make the greatest writers through the ages blush. It is then that I hand the text over to the monkeys who do the editing.

Triangulate
Figures out which article has the perfect nexus of piratical, Brooklyn(al) and musical references. This very complex program runs six days over six computers working in parallel at the end of which I have the perfect blog.

Snap Crap

For too long I have shunned "mainstream" music. Somewhere along the way I soured on the likes of Britney Spears and Nelly being played on great networks such as MTV and BET. Over the weekend I was exposed to some "music" on the radio and I finally got it.


I've heard it said that young people these days don't have any direction but I've discovered that they get directions from their music. Now don't get me wrong, I like an electric slide as much as the next man. I of course wouldn't know the electric slide from the electric car without the directions.

There are also several other small wonders of the same mold. There is a song that tells you that you "lean wit' it", you are then instructed to "walk wit' it", perhaps you have been told to ""1-2 step" or maybe to lean back.

The clearest one of them all is Lil Jon's "Snap your Fingers." An excerpt just for you:

Snap ya fingers! Do ya step!
You can do it all by yo self!
Let me see you do it! Ay!( 4-ize) do it! do it!
Let me see you do it! Ay!( 4-ize) do it! do it!

[lil jon:]
snap ya fingers!

[4-ize:]
ya monkey see monkey do im in tha derrty im dancin n im real country too

Or perhaps...

[Lil Jon:]
Snap ya fingers and then rock wit it
Do it, do it, do it, do it, gon drop wit it
Do a step wit it, put ya hips wit it
All my ladies let me see ya put a twist wit it
You can't do like me, I'm by myself
I do it so good, I don't need nobody else
What's happenin', what's up
Got da purk fired up

Since I dabble in poetry every once in a while I figured this is as good a time as any to try to flex
those muscles. I failed. I just couldn't out silly the actual songs. Jean Grae did a real good one at the concert two weekends ago. Too bad I can't actually remember any words to the chicken soup song or was it clam chowder? It had me cracking up.

To be fair to these modern-day musical moguls this is actually a tradition from back in the days.
From the "Bedrock Twitch", to negro spirituals like "Swing low, Sweet Chariot" and pop hits like "The Twist" all gave instructions. Who am I to judge the validity of "Snap your fingers," perhaps it has hidden meaning leading all people to the promise land.

Nah, it still blows.

Enough about weak nursery rhymes of Lil Jon. Check out some Big Boi of the last album. This song is on permanent spin in my mind.

Enjoy

Outkast - War Lyrics

Now get the fuck up off me nigga..



[Big Boi]

As I, struggle to keep my balance and composure

I'm 'posed ta, propose a toast to players on every coast-a

The lyrical roller coaster, mind-bender

'Stead of watchin these sucker MC's

I'm seein just how they lyin to the general population

Don't be patient, get up and stand up for your life

Don't you agree or understand we lost some rights at 1-1-9?

Come dumb, come young, come blind unwind confined

to the situation, we facin, cause in time, tick tick boom



[singers]

Tick, boom.. tick, tick-boom

Tick, boom.. tick, tick-boom

Tick, boom.. tick, tick-boom

Tick, boom.. tick, tick-boom



[explosion forward and reversed]

[scratched: "You're gonna die here" - 2X]



[Big Boi]

When will we all, awake up out this dream

Come here and smell the Folgers, the soldiers are human
beings

Man actin as if he was the supreme bein

Clockin the souls of men out like he was G-O-D and

W-A-Rrah, there'll be no tomorrow but sorrow

and horror will follow the hollow hearts battle for dollars

Politicians, modern day magicians

Physicians of death, more health care for poor health

Who makin us ill, they makin us kill

That's makin me spill my guts (chill Big, lay in the cut)

For what?  I refuse to sit in the backseat and get handled

Like I do nuttin all day but sit around watch the Cartoon
Channel

I rap about, the Presidential election and the scandal

that followed, and we all watched the nation, as it swallowed

and chalked it up, basically America you got FUCKED

The media shucked and jived now we stuck - damn!



[singing - "can't be heard clearly"]

[scratched: "You're gonna die here" - 2X]



[Big Boi]

Operation Anaconda - ask yourself

was it full of bleeps and blunders, did they ever find Osama?

And why in the fuck did Daniel Pearl have to pay the price

for his life and his wife plead twice?

See Al-Amin got life and Fred got dead, Hampton

To dampen the dream of all the Panthers

They got they answer for ransom

As we read together, as we dream together

Count your blessings whenever you feel that things won't be no
better

But it got to, you gave me this microphone so I must rock you

Your brainwaves, airwaves, energized and SHOCKED you

Y'all got me, well I got y'all, long as I know y'all listenin

I'ma always bring food for thought to the table in the
kitchen

Now eat nigga!