My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me

Insane in the Membrane

I've had a weird week, for the first time in a while I haven't been able to sleep soundly through the night. The odd thing is that the only dreams I can recall are ones of whimsy. For instance, I woke with the feeling of absolute dread but could only recall a dream about "Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium. There is nothing scary, perhaps trippy, about Natalie Portman; actually i am quite fond of her.

Several people I know have been dealing with loss recently. I too have lost someone recently and as usual had a tough time dealing with it. I have never done well coping with losing someone I know. I close up completely and circle the wagons; I don't do/deal with death well. I tend to close up so much that I don't show any emotion. This time I was actually able to let some of the deep feelings I have for someone who has passed away to the surface. The following is a piece I wrote at that time.

Right here

They say you don't know what you've got till it's gone. So often we
miss the special things right before us. The people who touch our
lives with words that make a difference. Words that pick you up while
you are down. The ones that keep you moving when you no longer have
strength. Your boisterous hearty laugh will be missed but you are
forever in our hearts. You still makes us smile a.d we keep moving
because of you.

Overall I have been in my head trying to put how I think and feel on paper (computer).

Ideals and Ideas

You are the ideal, an idea I have held onto for as long as I can
remember. You are an idea an ideal that that can never be attained.
Idolized and exalted above all others. The real you can never reach
the heights the idea of you has gotten to but you hold that special
space that the ethereal ideal of you can never be. To be in love with
an idea of the ideal one is a fools game; I am a fool.

Yet another from the depths...

And you

I have known you for so long and you are still a mystery to me.
Crossed paths a thousand times in a million ways and you are more real
to me now that we are apart. We will cross paths again and you will
never consider me any more than a stranger. Stranger yet, I now
consider me and you.