Finding the Pirate Inside

After a little over a week without much exposure to the "outside" or "sunlight," it seems that my reflexes have been slowed quite a bit. There is the obvious fact that I've been physically slowed by a surgically repair knee; I've learned to do a lot with my mighty cane but I think J$ is now officially faster than me.

On top of the fact that I am now slow, I've now lost the element of surprise. With the "tock" and "clack" of my cane I can be heard from a mile away. My dreams of being a super secret agent have been completely dashed. It is not all doom and gloom, I've found my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Massive beard. Check. No running water. Check. Special chest. Check. Peg leg .... Limp and cane. Close enough. That's right folks. I've been surgically reconstructed into a pirate. I don't know why I didn't see this before.


The obvious links between pirates and my current reincarnation are quite obvious-much more so than let's say Iraq and terrorism. O wait... I also forgot one important element of pirate-dom, the hook. Here again my cane shines.


It seems that since I've gone beard everybody is doing it. Phantom and Paul Giamatti are two examples that come to mind right away. None are nearly as awesome but I am proud that they are trying to be like me.

Developing an awesome beard is a lot more than meets the eyes; This is about finding the true you. Underneath the rugged exterior are complex features and tenderness concealed by the mask. Grizzled from the experiences of life it is only right that we take on the features of the stately grizzly. Let us all look inside and find that man-bear who sails the high seas, a pirate.