St. Lucia Day Seven

Pictures better than words

More to come...

St. Lucia Day Six

"Hurry to wait" was the motto for the first part of the day. The plan was to meet my mom and grandmother at the bus station in the city market. Since we'd previously kept my mom waiting for nearly an hour I was determined not to let hat happen that day. We arrived 15 minutes early just to end up waiting around for them. Things got even worse when the bus driver refused to leave until the bus was completely full. This amounted to another 2 hour wait before leaving, essentially making the early wake up and departure from the hotel null and void.

When we finally got on the road we all came to regret the choice to take the local route. This particular bus driver was determined to break all land speeds even if it meant flying off the side of a mountain while doing it. His insane actions included but certainly were not limited to:

1. passing a car into oncoming traffic
2. passing 2 cars into oncoming traffic
3. breaking the sound barrier around a hairpin turn
4. nudging another car out the way
5. defying the laws of physics and not crashing

Lbo determined that we would not ride the bus back from Soufriere no matter what. It was fairly difficult to argue the point so I did not even bother. Instead I turned my eye to finding a reasonable way back. I found that there were two viable ways back up north; the water taxi or the catamaran. Each would cost roughly the same amount but there was definitely potential to do much more on the latter. Reasonably convinced that we had a way back "home," we headed off the to the diamond falls and botanic gardens.

The Botanic Gardens were breathtaking, unfortunately we were on a time limit. I tried to soak up as much as I could with the time allotted. What I was struck by most was all the color from top to bottom. The grounds crew also setup some displays that were very informative. I was actually able to see the insides of a cocoa pod; there was also information on how everything in the garden is used to do everything from landscaping to making compose. After making quick work of the gardens I went over to the falls to take some pictures. It was pretty cool but would have been much better if they allowed people to bathe in it. The water from was a light grey color from the mineral deposits, it would have been like a spa treatment.

The sulfur springs stink, however, I eventually got used to the smell. I was really looking forward to the hot spring bath so as soon as the guide got to that point I jumped in. A few guys were already in the bath, from what I could tell they were some sort of springs gurus. They were quite "happy to see a black man on vacation." The hot springs were a very hot 98 degrees according to the gurus. It was absolutely delightful being in there. Everyone was so at ease that we were no longer concerned about rushing to meet the catamaran.

There were several boats docked at the pier when were arrived back at the port of Soufriere. As I walked along the pier I noticed that one of the ships with a familiar name. Before I left New York my cousin had given me the name of a ship and a person to talk to. The name wasn't exactly right but close enough. After a cryptic conversation with the gentleman on the boat and a short cell phone call we had passage on the catamaran.

The catamaran ride was an absolute blast. The view of the island from the sea was gorgeous, I feel lucky that I was able to get a view from so many different angles. Besides the views the actual ride was really great; it reminded of the batboat cruising just over the waves and spraying water everywhere. Awesome.

The ship stopped for snorkeling at a bay called Anse Concho. The waters were a light green/blue
and there were fish of all sorts of pretty colors everywhere. The only problem was that the bay is almost filled to the brim with snorkelers, this was apparently a big stop for the tours. I didn't really want to do many tourist-like things but snorkeling is just plain fun.

After Anse Concho we took a quick pass through Marigot Bay. The "tour guide" mentioned something important/unique about it but I don't recall/didn't pay attention. I also saw a fantastic pirate ship as we rode up the coastline. As the ship got closer to Rodney Bay the guide forced the lot of tourists to pretend that they had been dancing and having a good time the entire trip. I took a principled stand and refused to join the charade.

If they actually played charades I would have joined in...

St. Lucia Day Five

I got up and met my mom in the lobby of my hotel and started the trip to my grandfather's house. We were supposed to meet someone in town to take us to the country-side where my grandfather lives but we needed to kill some time cause our ride was late. The night before I ran out of contact lens solution and ended up gathering saliva as a replacement. I didn't see this as a permanent fix so I decided to search for some solution while I had the time. I quickly learned that St. Lucians don't really do contacts for the most part. I was instructed that the most likely place would be an optometrists office for such fancy fair. At that point I decided to do the breakfast thing instead of aimlessly seeking out a doctor's office.

It was only 6EC for breakfast for my mother and I; this included two drinks. When we were almost done with breakfast our ride showed up and we hopped on in. St. Lucia is mountainous. There's a huge difference between the coastal and inland areas around here. All journeys inland require climbing up some sort of hill or driving up the side of a mountain. This trip up felt longer and seemed to have more twists and turns than the one to the rain forest.

My grandfather had been working in the yard and looked like a bit of a mess. There was a brief sizing up and a hello when he saw me and then we didn't really speak much. Instead my mom gave me a tour of the house she used to live in while he chatted with the gentleman who took us up to his house. I was reminded that at one point my family owned most of the land around and we ended up selling it for ice cream, our only weakness. The cashew trees in the back attracted lots of beautiful birds. These birds, unlike the ones in the rain forest, seemed accustomed to the human presence and didn't fly away as quickly or as far when I approached.

After my bird watching my grandfather collected cashew fruits for me. The birds had already started feasting on the ones he picked but I didn't really have any intention on eating them. He also has a mango tree in his front yard with these flavorful small mangoes. I definitely appreciate the trees people grow in their yards here over huge swaths of useless grass.

On our way down the hill we went through the new tunnels built in St. Lucia. These are nothing more than long underpasses through big hillsides. Neither is more than a few hundred meters long. We were dropped off in the market in Castries with no particular destination in mind. After bit of quick thinking I thought that it would be good to see my aunt who has a stand in the middle of the city. She seemed quite excited to see me. According to her I am an exact copy of my father. I can't really argue with that.

After that brief visit we went around the market picking up a couple of things along the way. I was finally able to find contact lens solution in the oldest drug store on the island. I headed back to the hotel to put away the goods from the market and headed over the the beach. It was a very short visit because we had dinner plans for the evening.

We were picked up at the hotel then we were driven up by Mr. Weeks to his family's house. It was absolutely beautiful. As I stepped into the kitchen I smelled the food which was just as beautiful. Mr. Weeks brought us up to the balcony where we sipped on some Chairman's Reserve as my grandmother put down some whiskey. Mr Weeks made the mistake of cutting my grandmother's whiskey with water but got the point after she gulped down the first drink.

There was great food with great conversation all night long. We were being entertained by one of the best. He had true stories, jokes and did I mention rum? Since some of the jokes and part of the conversation was occasionally in patois I was forced to be the translator. Lbo picked up a patois phrase along the way. I will leave it up to him to tell you more about that.

St. Lucia Day Four

The trip to Babonneau was even more daring than any of the previous rides we have taken. Not only is it located in the country-side it's also about 600ft above sea level. I took pictures but don't have the means to download them at this point. I tried my best to capture the steep close quarters found over here. It's nearly impossible to navigate when combined with the break-neck speeds and the foot traffic. Thankfully we had someone from the village of Babonneau who really knew the terrain.

I cannot accurately describe the splendor of the rain forest. The plethora of plant and animal life is just too great and my knowledge far too little. Our guide was fantastic though. He had all the facts and figures to provide us as we traveled through the differing strata. I learned that most plants can double as aphrodisiac and baskets. Others are less useful and are used to tie hogs or cure the common cold.

Next up was a short trip to the beach where I realized that I was incredibly out of practice with swimming but fortunately did not come to that realization the hard way. In addition to this I also learned:
1. contacts do not like the water
2. while under water you should hold your breath
3. sugar cane is also tasty at the beach
4. walking barefoot not as hard as it looks

The last adventure for the night was dinner with some close friends of the family. We were treated like royalty with another full spread set up for us. No delicious good were spared in the making of the meal. At the end there were several island fruits and desserts for the taking.

St. Lucia Day Three

Day Three was see the old neighborhood day. I did, it was depressing.

Let's start at the beginning...

I was supposed to meet my mom down at the center of town at 10:30 but due to uncontrollable circumstances I was waiting for the bus outside my hotel at that time. The bus ride was kind of interesting with your usual collection of colorful folk taking public transportation. This bus did not have a television with the latest calypso like the first ride but was interesting nonetheless because I discovered it was actually a transformer. In terms of transformations it was more the Megatron than the Optimus prime of this but what can you expect for a small island. For those of you who do not understand the reference Megatron transforms from a robot to a gun or a cannon and then needs to be shot by someone. Well Optimus Prime is Optimus Prime.






In order to accommodate a large number of people in a small bus there were folding seats. If you do not know they exist it's likely that you will look at new people entering an already packed bus just wondering where they could fit. Perhaps they could secretly spider-man and plan on chilling on the underside of the roof. As the person reaches over you notices that annoying bar next to you is actually a super secret chair that not even Q could have devised.

The cell phone that was passed on to me was kinda busted so when I attempted to call my mom all I got was static. Actually all that phone did was make "static" noises rather than anything real or audible. Feeling a little bit worried that we had missed our window I decided to take a different less obvious route into the market. My guess was right and I saw my mom a few meters away(savvy metric reference).

Before long we were in the heart of the city on a bee-line to my grandfather's doctor. Only problem is that when we reached there he was nowhere in sight. He is apparently a very impatient man who felt the need to go about his business rather than wait on his daughter and grandson he hadn't seen in 19 years.

After an errand or 300 later that my mom had to get done it was time to eat. I feasted on local foods from a local vendor in the market. Lbo had a baked mac and cheese with chicken and I had some bake and salt fish and bake and herring as well as some fish cakes, all at the low low price of $11 EC about $4.

We were then off to see my old neighborhoods. I really don't want to go into it to much because I think I need a little bit more time for reflection. The short story is that the houses I grew up in look like hell holes. Whatever warped images left from my infancy are lies at this point.........

Our next stop was a close friend of my grandmother's who wanted to treat me to local food. She got the cook from the governor's house to whip up some ground provisions (roots and shit like potato), lobster deliciousness and mahimahi. Everything was so good and so beautiful over there. The view from the top of the hill was so impressive that it almost helped me forget about the state of my old hood. Mango trees growing taller than the second story balcony and the street lights hitting the avocado on exactly the right spot.

I smiled.

Then I closed my eyes on the car ride back to the hotel. There are few things scarier than driving at night in St. Lucia. The tiny country-side roads with the blind turns and big cars and people on the street. Did I mention the blinding headlights???

(Dang not enough time!!! I gotta go to the rain forest...)

So I did the rain forest thing today and I will write about that in the morning

St. Lucia Day Two

Because it's twice as exciting as the first day....

I'm doing this blogging thing a little later than expected today. Due to the heights of adventure reached yesterday I slept in a little. The day started with a 18 minute flip flop walk to the north of the island. As I walked down the road I started to appreciate sidewalks and avenues a little more. The roads are quite tiny over her and I felt that my life was in danger each and every time a car passed by no less than a foot from my shoulder. Though I did not get to go very far I found the walk brought me a little closer to the island and was a lot more authentic than the two plus hours spent in the resort celebrating my grandmother's 77th birthday.

I had no clue that the lunch was going to be held near Pigeon Island, which is now inaccurately named since they filled in the gap to make it an islet. From Pigeon Point/Sandals Resort to Pigeon Island was a blast. The foliage and the view of the west coast of the island is absolutely breathtaking. As I walked up I could imagine the battles waged at Fort Rodney, the vantage point meant that a surprise attack was all but ruled out.

From the top of the Fort I could see another even higher point on the same island/islet. I decided to see if I could find the path to it and get to that peak. The trail there was a little bit tougher, nothing impossible, but the view was even better. I found myself looking down on the Fort imagining ships coming from the north towards Martinique and canons at the Fort being guided by my signal where and when to fire.

After taking in the history and beauty of the Fort the battery from the camera was pretty much dead and I was only able to get a couple of shots of the sunset. There was also quite a long walk ahead along the roadside to the main intersection where the first bus stop was. A guard at the Sandals claimed it was a 5-10 minute walk but it was more like 30-40 minutes. It's an especially long 30 minutes when headlights are rushing by you in the dark.

Lbo and I discovered, much like columbus, an italian ice place with some delicious tamarind flavored ice. So now he wants tamarind with sugar cane at every turn.

I better get off my bum and start exploring. Today has been dubbed family day. With visits to family and the old neighborhood as well as a Lobster dinner.

But first we are off to the Market...

St. Lucia Day One

American Airlines blows. I don't mean that in a nice way either. I had to get to the airport no later than 4:30am just to take off at 8am. Due to "mechanical" error we chilled on the runway for over an hour. This wouldn't be nearly as bad if it wasn't for the fact that we had a connecting flight in San Juan. We were supposed to connect at 11 instead we were at the airport at 12:30pm. Hooray for totally sucking. Now don't get me wrong, it's a lot better to find out about mechanical problems on the ground but it's also their job to check themselves before people board.

I suggested exploring San Juan to Lbo but instead we ended up exploring the terminal; gate 12 was my favorite.

Rewinding for a bit. I was apparently stupid and brought water with my carry-on. It then became property of the United States Government. Also 6 Oz of toothpaste is way to much to carry on a plane. I offered to squeeze three out but the guard didn't think that was legit. He did inform me that "I didn't pass the bar but I know a little bit" and then referenced the old 80s brick instead of a VCR trick when i noted the bottle was unopened. There was a bit of a commotion after passing through the checkpoint with TSA and cops and some dude who apparently got tired of being checked or something.

anyway...

When we got to the island I declared nothing at customs and made my merry way to the outside where I found my long lost brother. He was far more interested in the stuff I was instructed to bring than the fact that he had never seen me in his life. After taking a close look at him I wasn't all that interested either.

The roads are crazy and we almost crashed. This is all explained by the fact that they decide to drive on the other side of the street. I am not sure which convention was decided up first but clearly one of us is wrong.

The hotel is small and friendly. It's also well air conditioned and clean. The food at the restaurant is the bomb. So far we've ordered: garlic shrimp, coconut shrimp, seafood Accra, plantain, duck something or the other wrapped in roti and chicken something else. All were delicious. There is also a great rum punch over here. Lots of rum.

It gets quite dark here once the sun goes down. I've been spoiled by the light pollution so prevalent in the city. The walk over to and on the beach was real nice except for the slippers. There were tiny crabs scampering about the shore and lots of of bigger ones just chilling as the sea washed up on them. The water was nice temperature as it rushed up on the shore and onto me feet. I wanted to jump in but realized the folly of that idea immediately.

Today I will be chillin' with some fam and then head over to the market to get some goods. O and I introduced Lbo to sugar cane and now he is nuts about it.

My Computer is Dead

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. It flat lined earlier this week. I was just about to hop into bed and then I heard a long piercing siren. I guess what I am saying is that my postings are going to be even less frequent that usual. Just a couple of things... I've started my second academic life at Brooklyn College, soon you will have to call me master. I forgot the other thing...

Time Travelin'

Mother's day was fairly awesome. I kicked it up a notch with an awesome late lunch for my mom and some of her friends. My brother also came through with some unparalleled deliciousness on the vegetarian side. I began the day by heading out to Stop and Shop bright and early to pick-up "fresh" ingredients. In other words I left my shopping till the last minute. After catching up on some TV I began prepping food: deveining shrimp, cooking rice and mixing up the mix.

Before long, but a bit later than planned, there was a smorgasbord of deliciousness. The lunch started with mini meatballs with a meat sauce which was followed up by a coconut shrimp appetizer. My main dish was a rice-avocado-mango-chicken salad which was perfect to compliment the spring weather. This incarnation of coconut shrimp was the best that I have done so far. One of the fresh ingredients I got from Stop and Shop was a coconut which I enlisted Lbo's gym going muscles to crack. I then grated the coconut and used that to coat the shrimp along with panko before frying them to a golden brown color. As usual I paired this with a peanut coconut sauce.

One day ago....

We went to a Mets game where I made sure to rock the freshest Mets gear out there. My newly purchased $5 cap was the talk of the town but mostly cause the Mets kinda stunk up the day. This led to a comatosed DJ and LBO, not even Corona ice broke them out of the funk. I imagine that I am the same way after a Knicks loss but I usually cry myself to sleep away from prying eyes. We met up a little later with Booty Shop D and other awesome people but we never really recovered from that low point.

Back to the future....

Lbo's actual birthday was the bomb. I started the after work festivities with 3 scoops of Alphabet Scoop ice cream; life is much more beautiful through the ice cream lens. Things were even better after having some black spaghetti at Max's. Not even the bitchiness of the host could put a damper on the day. Oh and then there was Big Buck Hunting. Pkilla was nice enough to take some embarrassing shots of us.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/priskiller/sets/72157600242394359/

Times they are a changin'

If you told me 2 or 3 years ago that I would be console gamer I would throwup some nerdy gang-like sign and yell "PC for life". Due to keeping tight control of my cheddar through my working years after college I haven't spent much time or money upgrading my PC as a result I have a slow beast with technology from what amounts to the middle ages. During that time I purchased a second-hand Xbox and have been playing it on and off over that last 2 years. I was first addicted to Fight Night Round 2, followed by Burnout and then Prince of Persia: Warrior Within. Soon I became intrigued with the future of the new consoles but I never looked too long as it made me feel like a cheater. There I was with my PC looking at other machines, it was shameful.

I tried as I could to fight the yearning to get a "next gen" system and had almost resigned to saving up money till December to get a new computer, but then the unthinkable happened. X heard me pining over Xbox 360 and offered to hook me up with the elite version. How could I say no? He ordered it last Sunday and for once there was actually someone here when the delivery guy came by. It was lust at first sight. I put it together right away and tested out just about every game that I had purchased the previous day.

It was at this point that I decided that from now on I will refer to everything in terms of when Xbox 360 came into my life. Thursday of this week is an epochal event: every day before it shall be know as X day Before Xbox360 (BX) and every day from that point shall be reffered to as After Xbox 360 (AX).

1:40PM 3 AX

I really hate dollar vans

I was chillin' with some two boots Newman pizza last Sunday when I get a call from my mom. She was hanging out with her new grandchild; what she hopes is the first of many. I am guessing a lot of "gooo goo ga gas" were said throughout the course of that day, possibly some nose stealing and other assorted wicked tricks grown folk play on kids when they are too tiny to understand most things in life.

At some point in the day she proposed stepping out in the next weather and visiting the beach. My mother, though she was born on an island, does not like the beach or know how to swim. She also doesn't really like the beach for the most part but it suppose it seemed like the thing to say at the time. So my bro decides to pile everyone ( girlfriend, baby, mother) into his 2 door car and head towards the shore.

After some finagling they got the car seat in and mom in the back and were ready to head out. Barely 5 minutes into the trip they stop to allow a car to turn or something and as they wait for their chance to continue on the unthinkable happens. This stupid dollar van like every other loves to weave in and out of traffic like it's a slalom course. Of course this do this with absolutely no regard for the other vehicles on the road.

During it's travel this particular dollar van decides to disregard the car that has stopped in front of it and plows into the back of this car which then plows into the back of my brothers car. "The car was totaled in the back but everyone is alright. Nobody is hurt but your brother is complaining about some pain in his neck", the smile and joy brought on by the Newman were wiped off my face as my mom said those words.

I've joked about how resilient babies are but I was really scared of what could have happened to my niece. She's been on this earth for barely 3 months and I've barely seen her. I'm probably the worst uncle ever as the cute and fragile stage of my niece scares me. I was waiting till she toughens up a little before rough housing with her but this incident serves as a reminder for how precious time is.

It also proves that babies are basically made of rubber.

Birthday Weekendness

Friday started off with a little misdirection at the first meeting spot which wasn't at the advertised address. I will no longer trust any information from city search that is not corroborated by a dependable source.

When I finally arrived at reBAR I was impressed with the setup. I really dug the high ceilings, the couches around the place and the wealth of windows. I met my TFC folks at the bar and quickly found out that they had gone to another bar first due to the aforementioned misdirection. It wasn't long before we started drinking and all that didn't matter.

KoolRed came through even though he was supposed to be working. Han-man who I recently reconnected with showed up and of course thruway had to attempt to outshine me. If I were a more sensitive man I would have wept with all the love I was feeling.

One last thing, chocolate pomegranate appetizer was "well good".

After an hour or so and a glass of wine or so 'Red had to bounce back to work. Little later TFC peoples broke out and Hanman, thruway and I headed over to Rice. I love Brooklyn but I am constantly confused by trendy neighborhoods where every street has the feeling of a back alley. Rice was delicious, we ordered tons of appetizers and got honey in test tubes to sweeten our teas. It was pretty much the best thing ever.

Next day...

I did the "Hope" thing in Williamsburg. It was a backyard BBQ thrown by Hope Lounge to benefit those affected by Hurricane Katrina. Everyone did their part for the cause: DJ had 4 cheeseburgers, Jwow I couldn't keep count, X tore it up with the garden burgers, my bro did his thing while Sharms and I held it down with the steak. X really wanted to join in with that but he was too full off the corn.

Our next stop was the 40/40 club to watch some boxing and listen to tunes. I wasn't aware until that night that the club is expensive because you get a happy ending when you walk in the door. I am fairly sure that dude was not searching for a concealed weapon. Still confused after the frisking we were led to our private table with our personal fuzzy LCD screen. It took a real long time to finally get on the same page with the waitress to get the boxing on. Before I knew it Merlot was flowing like Cristal and we were all chilling like that video...

Actual Birthday...

I almost got breakfast in bed from thruway if you count my couch as my bed; it could be since I've fallen asleep on it before. We were supposed to go to Cafe Mexicano but the deluge led me to cancel it. Instead the Brooklyn heads kept it real and we had some Japanese food. It was just a relaxed chill day so I can't complain.

26...

Take Action

Housing is ridiculous in the city. Please help do something about it. Check out http://wfpjournal.blogspot.com/ and then take action!

I am not a fan of global warming. Sounds like I found something to do part for part of my birthday weekend.

http://www.seaofpeople.org/

A whole heap of change

I don't hate Suze Orman. In fact I've taken at least one piece of advice that she has dished out on her show and applied it to life. I no longer spend change, I save any coins in my piggy bank a.k.a a small plastic cup to cash in at the end of the year. I call it the office space theory; unlike the characters in the movie this has not yet netted millions of dollars for the save a Dynamo fund. Now all I need is a Swingline stapler and I am home free.

I recently changed jobs, in fact today makes it a month at the new place. The digs still have the new place smell and feel. Everyone loves me and treats me like a superstar: I'm enjoying it. I've worked for only non-profits my entire life till this point. It's a real change in some ways but I know the stinky underbelly known as "the bottom line" and it is the same everywhere. Non-profits battle for grants and corporations work for growth. Neither is inherently wrong but these goals tend to lay waste to anything in their path.

Almost every morning I am greeted by the sounds of James Brown filling the office as I prepare my breakfast. Few things are better than getting your morning started off on a "good foot " while sipping tea with honey and lemon. Slide a "generously" toasted muffin my way and I am practically in heaven.

I am slowly discovering that I may be the quiet type and that I only rarely come out of my shell. There are several branch offices I need to make contact with from time to time and I find that I am nervous every time I have to place a call. Before long I find myself in fairly comical conversations with receptionists or branch managers after stuttering through my opening lines.

Maybe I am one of those ugly girls from the movies who are clearly hot but my hair is up and an bun and I'm wearing ugly glasses??? I can't wait for my health insurance to kick in so I can buy a new pair.

It's late...

Where do I begin

In living color is still one of the best shows on television. With the Wayan brothers, James Carrey and "the fly girls" no one else has been able to put together such a powerhouse since. I was watching a classic episode the other day where James Carrey plays a 1972 world karate champ who has become an instructor for a self-defense class. He gets stabbed by the women he is teaching and proves to be terrible at karate. Doesn't sound like much but the comic genius of Jim Carrey made the whole thing worth it.

Dude that was soooo eight grade...

I apparently still have a crush on this girl from my 8th grade class who I haven't seen in at least 4 years. It makes no sense as we never went out and nothing ever went on. Heck I don't even think I ever told her that I liked her in that way.

So I was in this karate class which was overflowing so much that the instructor asked me to form a new line. Somehow when I got into position in the new area I manage to aggravate my knee and fall over. My 8th grade crush rushed over to me and asked if I was "ok". Several hundred thousand things could have followed that and made perfect sense; however I do not make sense.

"I love you" Really??? So I am now extremely shook from this and do really know how to wrap my head around it. Anyone good at analyzing dreams cause this one is a doozie!!!

Drinks on everybody else....

Wanna by me drinks on Friday??? Hang out in a cozy lounge???? Maybe have dinner?? I am all for it as long as it is on you. I have decided that the best way to celebrate my Bday is to make it what I am calling a "Free Weekend." Free of work, free of worries and spending money for me not you....

Pizza and Other things

Now that DiFara's is closed 2 Boots has become my favorite joint. If you go there just get the Newman and call it a day. It isn't topped with fresh basil and doesn't have delicious black bison mozzarella but it is well spiced and the cornmeal gives it a unique texture. Nothing will ever replace DiFara's in my heart; by the way after further research it seems that Difara's might be open again.

I apologize for the really poor english in the last posting and probably this. I hope that as I write more my prose will develop and become more polished. If you really want to see some expert writing I would recommend LB0's blog. It's updated more frequently than mine and is far more beautifully written. I hope to reach those heights some day but I still remain a peon.

My birthday is April 15th. I plan on celebrating but I am not sure how. There's a Knicks game on the 16th. I was also thinking of throwing back a couple of drinks. There is also a possiblity of a house party on the 14th. More on this later...

Keeping up this

is a lot harder than I thought it would be. So much crap has gone on over the last 3 months and I haven't posted squat. I no longer go straight to the Internet when I come home because I am now highly domesticated.

I've had a couple thoughts on how I can do this effectively. Basically 3 posts a week which will likely be some boring "this is what happened today" crap. Hopefully it those will eventually lead to the most exciting adventures since the Pirate Captain combed his luxurious beard and ate delicious ham.

I am just as good with text messaging as most people are with Dah-Dah, Dah-Dah-Dah, Di-Dah-Dit, DiDiDit, Dit; Dah-Di-Dah-Dit, Dah-Dah-Dah, Dah-Di-Dit, Dit (Morse Code). Though I have taken to doing more of it recently due to the text messagers I know. I had to add texting??? to my plan due to the messagers I know (Pkilla).

I've obviously written way more than I intended for today...

"I want"

There, I said it. I don't care of it makes me seem selfish. I learned a long time ago in my "Eastern Religions" class that some believe that attachment to worldly goods is a bad thing. I am here to contradict great minds such as buddha and let you know that denying yourself is even worse.

The truth is we all do things in order to get something out of it. I I do not play basketball for the love of the game but for the good feeling I get from pushing myself to the limit. I helped a stranger out on the subway the other day merely because I want to single-handedly change the perception that New Yorkers aren't friendly.

I was a little ashamed at first to admit that I want. In order to hide the true nature of this list I titled it "TIW" instead of Things I Want; A list of worldly attachments that may make me seem a little childish. I think it is completely acceptable and grown up to realize that there are things that you can possess that will change your outlook on yourself and the world around you.

For instance if I had a Wii I would be less involved with politics. The games look so fun and addictive that I wouldn't have time to listen to the radio or read the paper. It's not that I would stop caring, no, I would merely cease knowing.

Wanting is not bad as long as it is done responsibly. Nobody would look down on me if I admitted that i want world peace, I don't think that every desire has to be so deep. I want an XBOX 360 but will not forfeit on my mortgage, car payment or rob someone in order to attain this. This is the "don't hang your hat where you can't reach" theory. Basically I think it is fine, in fact quite healthy to admit - to be truthful concerning wants because otherwise it just eats you up inside.

You know what they say "Sunshine is the best disinfectant." Take that Ghandi!!!

WIP

Domestic...

I never thought that word would be applied to me before I hit my thirties but here I am. I am the modern day Paige Davis mixed with a refined Hildi Santo-Tomas. My room was transformed from beige tedium into Suessial vibrancy (???) with a couple strokes of the brush. Gone is the drab commercial carpeting and in with the eco-friendly alternative known as bamboo. Bamboo does not stop at the floor though, it permeates the entire space from the divider to the rods in the closet. As I said... Domestic.

Rhyme Reason Treason

Ridiculous Ranchers Ripping Roots
of Dried Dreary Deciduous Trees
Taking a Toll on Tamed Lands
Languishing Laymen Lay their
Rights Right down for the wrong Reason
Precaution Preached by Preeminent Persons
But Brother and Sister Still Sent to the Sun Stroked
Desert, they Deserve Deeper Deliberation
Before Being Betrayed By Brash Decisions
Better yet Bring them Back NOW!!!

Old to the New

My Housewarming Party was what I would term "the note." I find use it as a more dignified version of "the Mad Note;" It makes me sound older and more sophisticated although it is perilously close to "the slope." The old year ended with Lbo and I frantically trying to piece the place together before anyone could arrive. Unfortunately for us one our invisible shelves exploded before our visitors arrived (Perhaps that was actually fortunate). When we tried to remove the bracket that still hung dangerously on the wall we realized that the screw was stripped. I had to act quickly and hopped over to the HomeDepot where I purchased my first Dremel, which made quick work of the screw. I sawed through the phillips head and made it into a flat head. Exciting!!!

The party had everything: great people, mediocre food and tons of alcohol. There was even dancing but I won't write any further about that. We sent the old year off with some Brugal. I later found out that it is rated internationally the best rum in the world. After the first shot I was sold on it's rating but at that point I would have also bought land in Florida. I insisted on watching the countdown on Univision, the station that brings you "Sabado Gigante!," however everyone else felt it was a terrible idea. Instead they chose to watch Dick Clark as he fumbled through the countdown.

Wonder Twins

No you cannot get it off Craig's List, nor would you want to. The Wonder twins are some guys we hired to do work for us but didn't actually know their names. At one point we thought they both had the same name; they didn't look alike at all. The last part is that we found that the work was not the best, in fact we still have a broken time from the work done in the kitchen. Makes you wonder why more things that they did haven't broken or spontaneously combusted...yet. That's all I have to say about that.

"Crap I got off Craig's List."

The entire apartment is like a who's who (or maybe a what's what) of Craig's List. There is at least two items on each floor from Craig's List. I found that the magic price for all items no matter the original cost or the size is an even $50. If someone can walk away with fifty they feel as if the transaction was totally worth it. I think fifty dollars has become the new twenty dollars as the most accepted currency. That was a made up "fact" but sounds like it could be true, which is good enough for me. Does anyone even forge 20s anymore? How much will that do for you?

If anyone knows where I can get a pot rack for $50 or less it would be appreciated.

Contents Under Pressure May Settle

Brilliant! Brilliant!

A lot has gone on in the last month and a half since my last posting. Most of it probably isn't at all interesting to anyone, myself included. For instance on Saturday I had this brilliant idea to bring back my beard. Growing a beard, while awesome, is not a unique idea. The absolute brilliance was the thought that if I trimmed my head hair lower than my beard hair then my beard would look less wimpy. Instead, I look kinda like a fat Reuben Studdard now.



Turning Point...

After becoming a citizen I had to face to reality that I once again could not vote. I decided to do the next best thing; I took my own advice and visited http://domorethanvote.org; I signed up for a "Rock the House (and Senate) Party." I got up and headed to Bed-Stuy by about 7am not knowing exactly what to expect out of that day.

It took about a half-hour before I was selling a candidate like a pro. I dealt with a great deal of people that day, actually I dealt mostly with answering machines which makes for quite an awkward conversation. The people I did speak to were mostly on the way to work and wanted nothing to do with me. At the end of the event I really felt like part of this great democracy.

Hear me now... bad

Kinda on the same theme of following through with things you believe in, I've switched my cell to Cingular; because I believe orange goop is cute. The really wanted to choose Verizon because most of the people I call are with them but ultimately I went with my conscience. The union busting tactics and general mean spirited lobbying done by Verizon was more than enough to get me going to Cingular; the only wireless company with a union. http://www.cwa-union.org/

Post(poned)

There is more to come but I better get this one up before it gets lost like everything else has over the past month. Upcoming highlights: Housewarming Party, Wonder Twins and "Crap I got off Craig's List."

Citizen James

Two weeks ago today I officially became a United States citizen. The day of the ceremony started like any other, I got up to the sweet sounds of my upstairs neighbors going at it (yelling). I got myself together and headed out with some of my close family and friends. When we got to Federal Plaza we were herded into the line and ordered about by the Federal Officers.

When we got into the doors I found myself belt-less and explaining that I was not carrying any weaponry. With the contents of my pockets, everything that allowed me to stay in the country, placed in a tiny basket I stopped and spoke to the guard. "You see I just had knee surgery so I have a brace on." The officer attempted small talk with me. "Why did you have surgery." I went on to explain that I had osteoarthritis in my right knee, which always brings people to a pause. "Ho does a young guy like you get that?" He directed me to the metal detector and I explained to him that it was from years of basketball. He looked me over "You better be good."

The detector went off as I walked through. "I am going to have to touch you" the guard on the other side of the detector warned. There wasn't any "bad" touching like I was warned about in elementary school to be careful of.

When we were finally upstairs I was directed to the super secret area for the aliens; Jwow of course had to explain that she wasn't there to be naturalized before she was allowed to proceed. As I sat down during the ceremony I found myself reflecting on the day and my life up to that point. I came to the realization that I had done this little dance a thousand times. I had been "naturalized" before several times: when going through airports and at the Liberty Bell and countless other places with security checkpoints.

America has become one giant fear machine and this has been relayed to me a thousand ways since 2001. I have felt helpless over these five years as I have matured from a teenager to the person I am today. I haven't been able to partake in the most important expression of our freedoms and opinions as Americans. Like all the years before I have to sit this election cycle out. I feel helpless as I cannot directly affect the election, I can't cast a vote.

This is of course extremely pessimistic as there are lots of ways that we all can make a change. Political action comes in several different forms. I believe that it needs to start on a one to one level; if we can just reach out to one person and have that person reach another, the possibilities are endless. At this time of the year we can take part in get out the vote efforts, poll watching and donations.

Do more than vote. Make a real difference. http://domorethanvote.org

So, when you moving in?

We've been working on the place non-stop. Here are some pictures of the Work in Progress

Painting of the Dr Seuss wing

Red Hot Chili Pepper

It's all coming together

Stealth Mode

Viva La Resistance

My bionic knee actuator has been turned on; now I can flex my knee. In fact, now I make it a point to flex on everyone. I believe a famous reggae artist once said "Flex uh, Time to have sex uh..." I'm just saying is all. With this latest development I am finally able to bike with resistance. I own Level 2 elevation; A 15 MPH speed demon.

I'm kinda happy that I can now hobble around a little faster. I also no longer come off as a colossal jerk on buses and subways. The cane and leg enhancements still cause old ladies to give up their seats to me; a definite plus.

Going off in a little bit to see the new place. Any one who wants to volunteer for painting duty. If you are not available for duty we have tons of other things we can use some help with. Please volunteer we don't want to have to use our powers of persuasion. "Resistance is futile." Geeky Star Trek references aside, any help that can be given would be appreciated.

Breaking Backs

Break beats like B-Girls and B-Boys
Breakdancing, kicking up the noise
Breaking through again like Andre 3k
Fracturing ankles like NBA Live 2k
Smash brothers we bash brother
Your response is just a stutter
cause I Rupture your time-space
Set us up the bomb on all your base
Breaking backs like the treacherous one
the Venomous one
You still on the starting line
while I'm on the finishing one
Shatter glass I sonic boom clear the room
Horseman with a Severed head foreshadowing your doom
Crack ladies crack babies

....

Not quite done. This was partially inspired by Lbo because he kept repeating "I break backs like Venom." I thought a line like that needed an equally crappy rhyme; Maybe it's the rhyme that's crappy and not the one-liner.

New Shoes

So when are you guys moving into your new place? What is going on with that apartment thing? Are you ever gonna get that condo? You mean you don't know about the condo yet? After many variations and permutations of original questions such as the ones above, we finally have an answer.

We've got the place, please stop asking. Really, stop asking. Don't start asking about the housewarming party; If you don't know the date we set then you are probably not invited. Please save everyone the trouble of having a really uncomfortable conversation just cause you think you are important.

This has been a test of the emergency asshole system. If I were actually an ass I would have meant all of the above. Over the last couple of months L and I have been stressing over the condo and at times felt like being jerks when asked for an update. Didn't seem like it all the time, but the truth is that we appreciate that everyone kept us on their minds.

Soon it will be time to celebrate. We'll let you know when and where as soon as we do the whole moving in thing.

Talk Like A Pirate Day

Arrrgh.

Physical Therapy Day One

This should be called voluntary torture; Can torture ever be voluntary?

So I started physical therapy in earnest today. It was immediately more enjoyable because my doctor did not ask me to "get into something more comfortable" A hospital gown isn't more comfortable than my bball shorts and t-shirt.

"This will be uncomfortable but should not be painful." You never want to hear the person taking care of you start off like this. "I should know what it is. I think it uses electricity but it doesn't shock you." At this point any sane person would have bailed out of the doctor's office or at least request that someone with knowledge of electricity clarify what was to go on next.

My knee got all tingly when the med student placed the pads on and turned on the device. It was something out of Star Trek: a Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulator. It stimulated the heck out of me for about 15 minutes until my knee was like Frankenstein invigorated by the bolt of lightning harnessed from the storm. (Did I work too hard for that one?)

Then came the sonar and the massaging. I don't care what Lbo says, there is nothing like the able hands of a professional masseuse; doesn't matter if it is a man or a woman. My physical therapist attempted to distract me with massaging and secretly bend my knee. I quickly let him know I was well aware of his tricks. "I know what you are trying to do. You are trying to bend my knee!!!" He stared at me blankly as if to say "Um that's kinda what we are here for." I did not dignify his stare with a response.

The rest of the workout was pretty simple leg lifts and hamstring lifts coupled with great pain and grimacing. This was topped off by cycling at .003 miles per hour as this is all I could do without weeping like a little baby. I am not quite sure how to explain it, but whenever there was a great deal of pain my foot would go into a nervous tap or shake until the pain subsided. Odd.

All in all it went well. I went to the supermarket to get some strawberry cheesecake ice cream as a treat to myself for being such a brave young man but had no luck...

Don't Blame Tony Jaa

In the interest of full disclosure I must confess that I am a huge Tony Jaa fan. His charisma and lack of acceptance of the laws of physics makes for great action. Tony was never told that humans can't walk on walls; so it is no surprise that he succeeds at doing just that. I'm absolutely surprised that he hasn't tried flying yet.

With that out of the way I would ask that you please do not blame Tony Jaa for "The Protector." He obviously did above and beyond all that was asked of him. Unfortunately they asked him for "ridiculous." I believe the direction went like this:

Lame Director: "Tony, do you think you can break his pinky with the back your knee"
Tony: "Sure, anything you say"
Lame Director: "O yeah, you need to repeat this about 100 times for a bunch of dudes all dressed in black"
Tony: "I really prefer using my knees and elbows to do awesome moves. I believe this is truly my strong point"
Lame Director: "I've already cut the movie in such a way to make the story incomprehensible. Now I want to ruin your action scene."
Tony: "I'm totally humble and respectful so I won't hit you with a flying knee or elbow"

The director clearly has it out for Tony Jaa, probably because unlike Tony he doesn't respect people. I really don't know the reason for having hate in his blood but it couldn't have been anything malicious on the part of Tony.





Flying Knee...

Things that happen when time passes

Nigerian super food

You've probably heard lots of lies concerning some excellent Nigerian food(Check out ATBV). It may not be for the faint of heart, or the weak of stomach, but if you give it a chance you will be pleasantly surprised.

What To Do At The Nigerian Restaurant:

Order the mixed meat: it can't possibly taste as bad as it sounds. Meat that is mixed with even more meat is a truly ingenious creation. The combination really brings out the meaty flavor of the meat; I would recommend this for all the vegetarians out there.

Expect your waiter to get back to you when he is off the phone. You wouldn't want to interrupt would you?

Expect that your waiter will embody the philosophy of a hustler.

Take advantage of the time you have with your waiter cause it's mighty precious. He cannot spend all day with you as he has to get back to the hustle.

Order the Goat head.

Order the yam cause it's an essential part of eating with your hands.

Be Nigerian. If not expect your waiter to help you out by bringing out the best Nigerian super food.


First day of work

After two weeks of recovery I went back to work on Monday to do some negotiating. I really needed Samuel L Jackson but I did alright for myself. I tried taking the express bus to work and was quickly reminded that traveling through lower Manhattan on September 11th is a terrible idea.

On any other day the bus would go right up Church street to my job but through bad luck and even worse planning I was kicked off the bus somewhere under the Brooklyn Bridge. I was approximately 10 blocks away from my job at that point.I tried hopping into a yellow cab and was turned away when I told the cabbie where I was headed to.

A rocket pack would have come in really handy for my trip to work as my 10 block hobble took almost an hour and a half to complete. If anyone has a spare rocket pack please let me know.

Telecommute

I start physical therapy tomorrow and started working from home today. I consider it as a duty to the rest of humankind and the earth now that I am no longer part of the morning and afternoon rush. I can serve my community, my job and the world the best laying in bed and responding to the needs of my job. I can assure you that I take no joy in working in my pajamas with my feet up while sipping on a cocktail.

Bionical Man

Out From the Frying pan-Into the Fryer

I was really looking forward to my doctor's visit yesterday. It's been approximately ten days after surgery I was on my way to have my stitches removed and feeling great. I popped into the office and right into the X-ray room for stills of my surgically repaired knee. On a side note, the technician saw no problem with me using my cell phone while in the room. I used my better judgement and got off the phone before I was turned into the Incredible Hulk.


As I lay on the table waiting for the doctor I began to drift away into dreamland; I was crossing over everyone on the court with the quickness. Little did I know what was actually in store for me. Unfortuantely all I am capable of doing now is going to see crossover, greatest basketball movie ever. White Men Can't Jump be damned.

So What did they do to you?

My doctor told me that he actually did the microfracture; He drilled several holes in my knee. He also scooped out the crap, technical term, which was on the right side om my right knee. I was albe to get a copy of the cam shots of my knee but all got was this T-shirt... Actually it was a black and white photopy which does not translate well so these color images aren't actully my knee but some other poor soul.

After our little talk it was time to me fitted formy brace. I expected a soft brace and a welcomed return to the land of flexing my knee. Instead I was introduced to a "cast alternative", megalabrace. This fantastic contraption reaches from my crotch to my ankle and requires the entire area to all move together in the same direction. It is an awe inspiring bionic attachment and at the same time a fushtrating figure four leg lock. (Perhaps that was a not a perfect metaphor but what is these days?)

Finding the Pirate Inside

After a little over a week without much exposure to the "outside" or "sunlight," it seems that my reflexes have been slowed quite a bit. There is the obvious fact that I've been physically slowed by a surgically repair knee; I've learned to do a lot with my mighty cane but I think J$ is now officially faster than me.

On top of the fact that I am now slow, I've now lost the element of surprise. With the "tock" and "clack" of my cane I can be heard from a mile away. My dreams of being a super secret agent have been completely dashed. It is not all doom and gloom, I've found my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Massive beard. Check. No running water. Check. Special chest. Check. Peg leg .... Limp and cane. Close enough. That's right folks. I've been surgically reconstructed into a pirate. I don't know why I didn't see this before.


The obvious links between pirates and my current reincarnation are quite obvious-much more so than let's say Iraq and terrorism. O wait... I also forgot one important element of pirate-dom, the hook. Here again my cane shines.


It seems that since I've gone beard everybody is doing it. Phantom and Paul Giamatti are two examples that come to mind right away. None are nearly as awesome but I am proud that they are trying to be like me.

Developing an awesome beard is a lot more than meets the eyes; This is about finding the true you. Underneath the rugged exterior are complex features and tenderness concealed by the mask. Grizzled from the experiences of life it is only right that we take on the features of the stately grizzly. Let us all look inside and find that man-bear who sails the high seas, a pirate.

"Some Call it Vicodin"

"I call it my friend"

I claimed yesterday that I was pain free, this is no longer true. Somewhere around Tuesday night and Wednesday morning I started feeling what I thought was a cramp. I am now sure after waking this morning that it was most certainly real pain. I tried as I could to fight the urge to take any medication early in the morning but I finally broke down-I began fumbling through pain killers. This fumbling went on for several hours. Fumbling with a cane and bottles of pills is as difficult as it sounds. I finally decided to curl up with a box of Wegmans "clusters" cereal and soy milk, don't ask, along with OJ and Vicodin. Yup, I passed up on the extra strength Tylenol or Percocet and went for the Vicodin; bad idea.

See, I failed to grasp the finer point of having the drugs after finishing off my meal. Before I knew it I felt nauseous, my vision became blurry and my body became quite weak. I think I got hot flashes as well. It was not pretty. It all broke within ten minutes but i didn't feel right for the rest of the day. I love to eat but as a result of this experience I'm still having trouble to keep down any food.

It's really amazing what can be done with a cane.

Cane Accomplishments

• take pictures
• put on shorts

A Cane only goes so far

3.5 feet to be exact

I had my surgery yesterday and everything went alright. My mom and X stayed at the hospital while they operated on me. I was told that I was only going to be put under local anesthesia but the concoction I got was as general as could be. Before I knew it I was stripped down to less than my skivvies but adorned in the latest hospital fashion. It was a colorful outfit with and open back that is all the rage these days. Anyway, I don't recall anything from my operation at all. One minute I was on the table and the next minute I was being helped into a wheelchair. A little groggy, definitely hungry soon I was snacking on my fair share of graham crackers, cranberry juice and ginger ale.


I caned along to the car with my old-man cane but it was not until I got into the car that I first figured out the true power. I slid myself into the back seat of the car and then I was in a bit of a pickle. With my leg stretched out across the back seat of my car I couldn't reach the door on the far side of the vehicle. This is where the 3.5 feet of reach came in handy, I didn't have to move-the cane would do the work for me.








Now I am a professional with the cane. I can operate my air conditioner, lights and various other devices by "remote." I've also discovered several enhancements in windows so I can use the computer more effectively. As a matter of fact I've almost fully mastered typing while laying comfortably on my back. I find that the accessibility options such as the magnifying glass and the on-screen keyboard are quite helpful in addition to wireless keyboard and mouse.

I'd be all set if I had a grabbing stick.

O-Oh Word? Oh Really?

So I am off to have knee surgery tomorrow. Many posts ago I wrote about my osteoarthritis so I won't bore you further with the technical aspects. I'll be home for two weeks on sick leave. I will enjoy things such ask sleeping in and waking up late. I may throw a curve ball like not leaving my bed all day just to mix it up.

Oh Word?

In an attempt to steal my thunder X has decided to have his engagement party this weekend. He just had to make his big celebration the same as my big operation. It's going to be some crazy ceremony with paint and incense flying everywhere. There also gonna be lots of food, most of it containing various forms of curry (Just kidding). I heard the bride and groom to be also exchange sweets which I hope will then be crammed into my mouth.

Oh Really?

I spoke to Jwow today for like 1/2 hour. Seems like she is enjoying the time in South Africa though she's a little disappointed by the limited time she has there. It seems that there is so much to do but it's also quite difficult and a little dangerous to get around; especially as a foreigner.

That's all I got for now. I need to stuff my face now cause I am not allow to eat after 12 am and my operation won't be done till about 2pm. I am gonna be one hungry hungry person at that point.

Deep Thoughts/Time

Perhaps you recall the last entry concerning the Anatomy of a Blog. One of the elements was the computers program which picks the best. Well I have been able to circumvent the system and pull out the rejects as well as some pieces midway through "Monkey Processing". It's kinda like a computer or a word processor except entirely powered by monkeys, it's my own personal invention. Some might say that this is merely an attempt to thread crap, I take offense to those of you who think like that. Those types of thoughts are quaint and that happens to be the beginnings of one of my entries.

quaint

One entry found for quaint.

Main Entry: quaint

Pronunciation: 'kwAnt

Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle English queinte, cointe, from Anglo-French, clever, expert, from Latin cognitus, past participle of cognoscere to know -- more at COGNITION

1 obsolete : EXPERT, SKILLED

2 a : marked by skillful design India ink -- Herman Melville> b : marked by beauty or elegance

3 a : unusual or different in character or appearance : ODD b : pleasingly or strikingly old-fashioned or unfamiliar

synonym see STRANGE

- quaint·ly adverb

- quaint·ness noun

This was initially rejected because it didn't lead to any positive statements concerning pirates, music or Brooklyn. I could have just stuck random references in there but that would lead to incoherent ramblings and there is no way I want to be known for that.

The following almost made it through till the forces of football, not the American kind, killed my writing flow.

Paper or Plastic?

My world view has literally been crushed after finding out that when posed with this question on the line at the market my natural choice would be the wrong one. So I started to think of other false choices I am faced with in life.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? See the problem at hand is that this question does not take evolution into consideration. So this is how it works. um worked.

Heat the oil in a large heavy-bottomed soup pot and sauté the breasts until they are light brown, about 5 minutes. Remove the breasts and set aside. Add half of the onions and sauté until translucent, approximately 4 to 5 minutes. Remove and set aside. hmmm Um alright so that isn't quite the explanation of the primordial soup but it is the beginnings of what looks like an excellent chicken soup recipe. Check it out at http://www.reluctantgourmet.com/chicksoup.htm

I don't think I really fully explained the paper or plastic thing. The first thing you think of when posed with this questions is how environmentally safe paper is. Paper bags can be made from recycled materials. The second obvious plus for paper is it's potential to go back from whence it came. The sciencey enviro-folks like to call this biodegrading. Both things are completely true in a vacuum (I don't mean this literally) but are not quite so in the real world

North or South Korea

North Korea has Kim Jong Il and he has many Taep'o-dong. What could be better than a dude who kidnaps people from other countries to direct a film for him? Perhaps one who fancys himself as a rockstar, just check out his doo. Probably his most endearing quality is his willingness to starve his people for his greater good?

South Korea has Seoul. duh

Hockey or Soccer?

I managed to live through the world cup. It's not that I hate soccer, that's reserved for nascar.

This one was a reader submission that just didn't strike the correct note with the statisticians.

Apparently Hush Puppies were fed to dogs to keep them quiet as their human masters cooked.

Hush puppy I'm trying to cook!

That's about all the oldies but goodies I have for now. I hope nobody actually read this thoug. That would be paramount to watching one of those crappy recap episodes that shows through at you once a season.

I am sorry if I wasted anyone's time any more than usual. You should be enjoying SoaP instead.

Anatomy of a Blog Entry

I've started writing many pieces for this blog without actually posting. Some of you may think that blogging is a simple task but I would like to dispel that myth right here and now.

Bloganatomy 101

Life.
This requires more than just breathing in and out. Occasionally I find things like waking up and moving to the other side of my bed exhilarating. Some others
a) go to work
b) take walks in the park
c) attend functions such as parties, concerts and museums


Ideas.
No one knows exactly where "ideas" come from but I find that these are often fueled by the aforementioned "Life." The greatest scientific minds have been hard at work trying to solve this riddle but still have no idea. This is just the first part though. I pull ideas from everything around me, the sun, the wind, the leaves; I get in touch with the earth. Generally I find that the earth has some brilliant ideas.

I travel all across the world meeting different people just to know what is hot around the globe. I ask questions like: "What puzzles you about the world?” or "What are you excited about today?” Occasionally I pull out: "What kind of cheese do you think the Moon is made of?" Most of the time people just go on rants about Brooklyn; probably because it's totally awesome.

+

Statisticians and Monkeys
I prefer to call them number buffs. I get the number buffs to crunch all the data I collect and then present me with the top five topics. Then I begin writing about each topic. At this point my prose is filled with colorful anecdotes and alliteration which would make the greatest writers through the ages blush. It is then that I hand the text over to the monkeys who do the editing.

Triangulate
Figures out which article has the perfect nexus of piratical, Brooklyn(al) and musical references. This very complex program runs six days over six computers working in parallel at the end of which I have the perfect blog.

Snap Crap

For too long I have shunned "mainstream" music. Somewhere along the way I soured on the likes of Britney Spears and Nelly being played on great networks such as MTV and BET. Over the weekend I was exposed to some "music" on the radio and I finally got it.


I've heard it said that young people these days don't have any direction but I've discovered that they get directions from their music. Now don't get me wrong, I like an electric slide as much as the next man. I of course wouldn't know the electric slide from the electric car without the directions.

There are also several other small wonders of the same mold. There is a song that tells you that you "lean wit' it", you are then instructed to "walk wit' it", perhaps you have been told to ""1-2 step" or maybe to lean back.

The clearest one of them all is Lil Jon's "Snap your Fingers." An excerpt just for you:

Snap ya fingers! Do ya step!
You can do it all by yo self!
Let me see you do it! Ay!( 4-ize) do it! do it!
Let me see you do it! Ay!( 4-ize) do it! do it!

[lil jon:]
snap ya fingers!

[4-ize:]
ya monkey see monkey do im in tha derrty im dancin n im real country too

Or perhaps...

[Lil Jon:]
Snap ya fingers and then rock wit it
Do it, do it, do it, do it, gon drop wit it
Do a step wit it, put ya hips wit it
All my ladies let me see ya put a twist wit it
You can't do like me, I'm by myself
I do it so good, I don't need nobody else
What's happenin', what's up
Got da purk fired up

Since I dabble in poetry every once in a while I figured this is as good a time as any to try to flex
those muscles. I failed. I just couldn't out silly the actual songs. Jean Grae did a real good one at the concert two weekends ago. Too bad I can't actually remember any words to the chicken soup song or was it clam chowder? It had me cracking up.

To be fair to these modern-day musical moguls this is actually a tradition from back in the days.
From the "Bedrock Twitch", to negro spirituals like "Swing low, Sweet Chariot" and pop hits like "The Twist" all gave instructions. Who am I to judge the validity of "Snap your fingers," perhaps it has hidden meaning leading all people to the promise land.

Nah, it still blows.

Enough about weak nursery rhymes of Lil Jon. Check out some Big Boi of the last album. This song is on permanent spin in my mind.

Enjoy

Outkast - War Lyrics

Now get the fuck up off me nigga..



[Big Boi]

As I, struggle to keep my balance and composure

I'm 'posed ta, propose a toast to players on every coast-a

The lyrical roller coaster, mind-bender

'Stead of watchin these sucker MC's

I'm seein just how they lyin to the general population

Don't be patient, get up and stand up for your life

Don't you agree or understand we lost some rights at 1-1-9?

Come dumb, come young, come blind unwind confined

to the situation, we facin, cause in time, tick tick boom



[singers]

Tick, boom.. tick, tick-boom

Tick, boom.. tick, tick-boom

Tick, boom.. tick, tick-boom

Tick, boom.. tick, tick-boom



[explosion forward and reversed]

[scratched: "You're gonna die here" - 2X]



[Big Boi]

When will we all, awake up out this dream

Come here and smell the Folgers, the soldiers are human
beings

Man actin as if he was the supreme bein

Clockin the souls of men out like he was G-O-D and

W-A-Rrah, there'll be no tomorrow but sorrow

and horror will follow the hollow hearts battle for dollars

Politicians, modern day magicians

Physicians of death, more health care for poor health

Who makin us ill, they makin us kill

That's makin me spill my guts (chill Big, lay in the cut)

For what?  I refuse to sit in the backseat and get handled

Like I do nuttin all day but sit around watch the Cartoon
Channel

I rap about, the Presidential election and the scandal

that followed, and we all watched the nation, as it swallowed

and chalked it up, basically America you got FUCKED

The media shucked and jived now we stuck - damn!



[singing - "can't be heard clearly"]

[scratched: "You're gonna die here" - 2X]



[Big Boi]

Operation Anaconda - ask yourself

was it full of bleeps and blunders, did they ever find Osama?

And why in the fuck did Daniel Pearl have to pay the price

for his life and his wife plead twice?

See Al-Amin got life and Fred got dead, Hampton

To dampen the dream of all the Panthers

They got they answer for ransom

As we read together, as we dream together

Count your blessings whenever you feel that things won't be no
better

But it got to, you gave me this microphone so I must rock you

Your brainwaves, airwaves, energized and SHOCKED you

Y'all got me, well I got y'all, long as I know y'all listenin

I'ma always bring food for thought to the table in the
kitchen

Now eat nigga!

From Bx to SA

South Africa to be exact...






I am sure I've heard this at least one time but I never took it literally. Of course I am not the one going to South Africa, Jwow is. She'll be gone for like a year or something. Do you know how long a year is? How in the world am I going to remember things I did and need to do like bring my keys when I go home from work? The point is I won't. I will be living on the streets. Someone will try to help me find my home and I won't be able to contact anyone to supply information. Total and complete loss of everything. I mean, there is always X but he isn't nearly as available anymore. There needs to be some kind of transition of power back to "the cheif" or something.



How did this become about me? Am I that conceited? Yes. Wait, no. I dunno.

Back to the matter at hand...

Quite a bit has occurred since I started this post. First a bunch of us got together for a goodbye dinner. As usual instead of getting gifts for her going away she gave them. I know what you are thinking. Is this bizzaro world? No, it is jworld where things are completely flipped from how the real world works. She did the same thing on her birthday yet I was still surprised by the gift especially since it included a loofa. A LOOFA!!! The honey almond soap was appreciated though. As I stated on a previous posting, there is nothing like the exfoliating powers of almond.

Packing it...

Now let me introduce to you another part of jworld. Where packing essentials for a trip to South Africa includes oreos and crayons the evening before. The morning of the trip, approximately 6am, the extras such as pants, shirts and things of the like can be taken care of. Only in Jworld.

Second time is the charm...

I was asked one thing "pick me up at home and bring me to the airport." man did I bone that up. I arrived over an hour later than I should have. Then we hit a great deal of traffic; at the end of the day I was eating quail and Jwow was NOT on a plane. We decided to try again the very next day but it seems that we did not learn the lessons of previous excursion. I decided to take a new way to the airport. Total Genius. We arrived late. She was able to get on the plane though, second time is the charm.

Five days in the making...

Jwow is now safely in Capetown after a long exhausting journey. I started this post with the hopes of completing it before jwow left. That clearly did not happen. I'm proud that janjan was able to follow through with exactly what she wanted. No matter what was in her way. It is one thing to talk a big game, like me, it's another to quit your job and pay to volunteer clear across the Atlantic. I hope to have that much courage and dedication some day. It's friends like these who keep e grounded and working to be a better person every day. I'll cut it right there cause I am gonna get yelled at for getting too mushy by "j to the."

You better be having fun